Every Episode of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm,’ Ranked

In the lead-up to Sunday’s debut of Season 9, join us as we count down all the episodes of Larry David’s masterpiece

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Larry David — social assassin, four-eyed fuck, utmost respecter of wood — returns to HBO on Sunday with a new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s been six years since the last episode of Curb aired, and the extended hiatus has allowed us to contemplate some very important questions: Can you pause toast? Is the chat-and-cut a morally indefensible move? And, of course, what is the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm? Over the next four days, The Ringer hopes to answer those questions — well, at least the last one — by ranking 20 episodes a day for the rest of the week.

Episodes 80-61

80. “Lewis Needs a Kidney”

The Ringer’s Curb Your Enthusiasm Rankings

Nos. 80-61

Nos. 60-41

Nos. 40-21

Nos. 20-1

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Season 5, Episode 5

“You stupid idiots, you don’t even know how to play eeny, meeny, miney, mo. You don’t know how to play eeny, meeny! You don’t know the first thing about eeny, meeny!”

79. “The Acupuncturist”

Season 2, Episode 6

One of the more confusing Curb episodes, it’s about a $5,000 bet and a $5,000 loan, which both lead to explosive confrontations between Larry and the unfortunate strangers who’ve entangled their fortunes with him.

78. “The Smiley Face”

Season 8, Episode 4

Larry has started dating the hostess at his favorite restaurant, but he has some concerns about her use of the titular smiley face in text messages.

77. “The Therapists”

Season 6, Episode 9

Larry attempts to win back Cheryl under the advice of his therapist.

76. “AAMCO”

Season 1, Episode 7

“What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? What a strange thing.”

75. “The Safe House”

Season 8, Episode 2

Larry has run-ins with his unbeknownst-to-him neighbors over Chubby Hubby ice cream and small piles of dog shit.

74. “Vehicular Fellatio”

Season 7, Episode 2

“Blowjob in the car? Wow, how gentile.”

73. “The Hot Towel”

Season 7, Episode 4

Larry gives Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen a $300 gift certificate to a restaurant, and is flabbergasted to see them dining there with Jeff and Susie instead of him the next night — especially because Jeff and Susie’s gift to Ted and Mary was merely a vocal performance by their daughter, Sammy.

72. “Mel’s Offer”

Season 4, Episode 1

Larry is called upon by Mel Brooks to join the cast of The Producers on Broadway as Max Bialystock.

71. “Ted and Mary”

Season 1, Episode 2

Larry develops a crippling friend crush on Mary Steenburgen.

70. “The TiVo Guy”

Season 6, Episode 7

Cheryl’s plane encounters severe turbulence. When she calls Larry to tell him she loves him for what may be the last time, he rushes her off the phone so he can deal with the TiVo repairman.

69. “The Blind Date”

Season 4, Episode 3

Larry attempts to set up a burka-clad Muslim woman with his blind friend.

68. “The Smoking Jacket”

Season 5, Episode 6

Larry goes to the Playboy Mansion and swaps his dad’s jacket for Hugh Hefner’s. He also brings a terminally ill tween to the mansion in his own twisted version of Make-A-Wish.

67. “The Baptism”

Season 2, Episode 9

Larry mistakes a baptism for an attempted murder by drowning.

66. “Wandering Bear”

Season 4, Episode 8

Larry seeks medical advice from his Native American gardener after he wears a condom inside out and numbs Cheryl’s vagina.

65. “The Massage”

Season 2, Episode 10

“He wanted to do a stop-and-chat, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop-and-chat.”

64. “Car Periscope”

Season 8, Episode 8

Larry trusts an inventor almost solely because the man’s wife is less attractive than him.

63. “Opening Night”

Season 4, Episode 10

Larry travels to New York for the opening night of his Broadway show.

62. “The Korean Bookie”

Season 5, Episode 9

When Jeff and Susie’s German shepherd, Oscar, goes missing, Larry suspects that his bookie, Sung, has kidnapped Oscar and cooked him.

61. “The Divorce”

Season 8, Episode 1

In keeping with Curb’s elite pettiness, no part of the episode is dedicated to processing the emotional drama that led to the disintegration of Larry and Cheryl’s considerably long marriage.

Read about episodes 80–61 here.

Episodes 60-41

60. “The Ski Lift”

Season 5, Episode 8

Larry pretends to be an Orthodox Jew to improve the kidney-transplant prospects of Richard Lewis, whose at-home nurse is stealing valuable objects and hiding them in her “huge” vagina.

59. “The Car Salesman”

Season 2, Episode 1

“OK, the GTS is ‘guaranteed tremendous safety.’”

58. “The Wire”

Season 1, Episode 6

“Cut-off time is 10:30. Everybody knows that.”

57. “The Reunion”

Season 7, Episode 3

When the opportunity to do a Seinfeld reunion show comes up, Larry is unenthusiastic — until his ex-wife, Cheryl, expresses interest in playing a part on the show.

56. “Affirmative Action”

Season 1, Episode 9

“I tend to say stupid things to black people sometimes.”

55. “Denise Handicap”

Season 7, Episode 5

A relationship falls to pieces when Larry loses his BlackBerry and has no way of getting a hold of his girlfriend, whom he had saved in his phone as “Denise Handicap.”

54. “The Weatherman”

Season 4, Episode 4

Larry wages war on a weatherman he thinks is purposely predicting bad weather so that he can have the golf course to himself.

53. “The Pants Tent”

Season 1, Episode 1

In the first episode of the series, Larry goes to the movies with Cheryl’s friend Nancy, and because he is wearing an awkwardly cut pair of pants, Nancy believes that she has caused Larry to get an erection.

52. “The N Word”

Season 6, Episode 8

After overhearing a man telling a racist story, Larry’s attempts to relay it to others end consistently badly.

51. “The Lefty Call”

Season 6, Episode 4

“I don’t need her bowel concern!”

50. “The Bat Mitzvah”

Season 6, Episode 10

Impressed by the moxie of a line-cutter at the movies who pretends to be disabled, Larry tries to use the same trick to ward off a man who is looking to rent the unoccupied office across the hall.

49. “The Hero”

Season 8, Episode 6

Larry trips over his shoelaces and tackles a belligerent man who is accosting a flight attendant, leaving the passengers on the plane thinking that he is a hero.

48. “Officer Krupke”

Season 7, Episode 8

“As far as I know, there are only two ways you can injure your neck: One is a car accident. The other is cunnilingus.”

47. “The Thong”

Season 2, Episode 5

Larry takes Cheryl to the beach. While there, he spots his therapist wearing a thong bathing suit, which makes him extremely uncomfortable.

46. “Thor”

Season 2, Episode 2

Larry accidentally incites the rage of professional wrestler Thor Olsen when he makes finger guns at his children while driving.

45. “Ben’s Birthday Party”

Season 4, Episode 2

Larry refuses to sing “Happy Birthday,” and then accidentally stabs Ben Stiller’s eye with an hors d’oeuvre skewer.

44. “The Surrogate”

Season 4, Episode 7

“It’s a mulatto. … … … … No good?”

43. “Larry vs. Michael J. Fox”

Season 8, Episode 10

Larry spends an episode befuddled by Michael J. Fox because he can’t tell if the actor is lashing out against him or if he’s merely living with Parkinson’s.

42. “The Seder”

Season 5, Episode 7

Larry befriends a sex offender, and, after he helps fix Larry’s golf swing, Larry invites him to seder.

41. “Meet the Blacks”

Season 6, Episode 1

“Funkhouser, he knowingly served us penis. What is wrong with that guy?”

Read about episodes 60-41 here.

Episodes 40-21

40. “Shaq”

Season 2, Episode 8

Larry and Richard Lewis sit right next to the bench at a Lakers game, which takes a nasty turn when Larry inadvertently trips and injures Shaquille O’Neal.

39. “The Larry David Sandwich”

Season 5, Episode 1

Larry finds out his favorite deli has named a sandwich after him, but it’s a terrible, fish-filled sandwich, so he spends the episode trying to get different ingredients on the “Larry David.”

38. “Funkhouser’s Crazy Sister”

Season 7, Episode 1

As Larry schemes to break up with his cancer-stricken girlfriend, Loretta (Vivica A. Fox), he does etiquette battle with her doctor, his pal Marty Funkhouser, and Funkhouser’s sister, Bam Bam, recently released from a mental institution.

37. “The End”

Season 5, Episode 10

When Larry is told that he was adopted and that his biological parents are Christians from the Midwest, he immediately converts, loses his neuroses, and becomes a compassionate and loving person who happily offers up his kidney to Richard Lewis.

36. “The Survivor”

Season 4, Episode 9

After a mix-up with Larry’s rabbi, a former Survivor contestant and a Holocaust survivor go head to head at his dinner party.

35. “The Bare Midriff”

Season 7, Episode 6

“You can flaunt two-thirds of the day outside of the office. And then you’ve got one-third non-flaunt. Do you have to flaunt 24 hours? Why not take a break in the flaunt?”

34. “Mary, Joseph, and Larry”

Season 3, Episode 9

It’s Christmas and Larry has a pubic hair stuck in his throat.

33. “The Bowtie”

Season 5, Episode 2

At Marty Funkhouser’s anniversary party, Larry discovers that he’s on the outs with both the lesbian and black communities.

32. “The Grand Opening”

Season 3, Episode 10

Days before his restaurant is due to open, Larry injures an influential restaurant critic, fires his chef for wearing a toupee away from work, and hires a replacement who has Tourette syndrome.

31. “The Nanny From Hell”

Season 3, Episode 4

Larry is not able to help a nanny when she gets fired for letting him use the house bathroom.

30. “Chet’s Shirt”

Season 3, Episode 1

“I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.”

29. “Beloved Aunt”

Season 1, Episode 8

Larry hosts Cheryl’s family for the funeral of her Aunt Louise. They quickly turn against him after an obituary he submitted to the newspaper prints with the typo “devoted sister, beloved cunt.”

28. “The Bi-Sexual”

Season 8, Episode 7

“What is that—they have to have sex with everyone? Half the population isn’t enough for them? They want everybody? So selfish.”

27. “The Terrorist Attack”

Season 3, Episode 5

After Larry is rude to Paul Reiser’s wife at a restaurant, he attempts to make up for it by letting her in on some primo intel: that a terrorist attack is planned for L.A.

26. “Club Soda and Salt”

Season 3, Episode 3

Larry gets jealous of Cheryl’s new tennis partner and attempts to find a new chef for his restaurant.

25. “The Bracelet”

Season 1, Episode 4

“How can you say ‘blind man’ in front of a blind man?”

24. “The 5 Wood”

Season 4, Episode 5

When a friend’s father dies, Larry makes an inappropriate swap of a personal effect at the funeral.

23. “The Christ Nail”

Season 5, Episode 3

“There is no fucking tooth fairy, and it’s about time she learned that!”

22. “The Group”

Season 1, Episode 10

Larry runs into an ex-girlfriend, who convinces him to come with her to an incest survivors’ group.

21. “Kamikaze Bingo”

Season 5, Episode 4

Larry inadvertently causes a suicide attempt by questioning a former kamikaze pilot’s son about his father’s survival.

Read about episodes 40-21 here.

Episodes 20-1

20. “The Anonymous Donor”

Season 6, Episode 2

Larry is upstaged by Ted Danson’s quasi-anonymous donation, Leon gets unfairly linked to Jeff’s clandestine semen, and Larry tries to repeal the unwritten rules of dry cleaning.

19. “The Black Swan”

Season 7, Episode 7

“It’s a pointless and useless social convention, to introduce everyone you know.”

18. “The Table Read”

Season 7, Episode 9

A dream come true—we get to see the entire cast of Seinfeld go through a table read in the improv-centered world of Curb.

17. “Trick or Treat”

Season 2, Episode 3

Larry goes to war with the father of a teenager who TP’ed his house and spray-painted “BALD ASSHOLE” on his front door after he refused to give her candy.

16. “Interior Decorator”

Season 1, Episode 5

Because of the first-come-first-served policy at his doctor’s office, Larry misses an important meeting with Diane Keaton.

15. “Vow of Silence”

Season 8, Episode 5

“You see what’s going on over here? She’s doing a chat-and-cut. She’s feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line.”

14. “The Benadryl Brownie”

Season 3, Episode 2

When Larry buys his first cellphone, a dropped connection leads to a mix-up in which Richard Lewis’s new Christian Scientist girlfriend is fed peanut products despite being highly allergic.

13. “The Corpse Sniffing Dog”

Season 3, Episode 7

Faced with a choice between her German shepherd and her father, Jeff, Sammi picks the dog (who may or may not smell a rotting corpse under the floor of Larry’s new restaurant, by the way).

12. “The Doll”

Season 2, Episode 7

In a classic Curb sequence of misunderstandings, Larry gets branded as a sexual deviant and possible pedophile after trimming the hair of a little girl’s doll.

11. “The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial”

Season 6, Episode 3

After Marty Funkhouser's mother dies, Larry steals a trio of bouquets from her roadside memorial to apologize to Cheryl, Loretta, and a local school headmaster he’d offended.

10. “The Shrimp Incident”

Season 2, Episode 4

A Chinese restaurant mix-up that links him with HBO president Allan Wasserman complicates Larry’s ability to pitch a show to the network with Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

9. “The Special Section”

Season 3, Episode 6

After Larry’s mother dies, he realizes how perfect of an excuse it is to get out of social engagements.

8. “Seinfeld”

Season 7, Episode 10

“Do you respect wood?”

7. “Porno Gil”

Season 1, Episode 3

After accidentally calling him when he was trying to reach someone else, Larry is invited to a party at the house of his old golfing pal Gil.

Read about episodes 20-1 here.

Disclosure: HBO is an initial investor in The Ringer.

The Ringer Staff