Watching Denzel Washington’s The Equalizer for the first time is a lot like watching John Wick or The Accountant: You’re pretty sure the main character is going to start wrecking people, but the ultimate payoff (and gratification) is delayed until an extravagant set piece comes along that shows just how badass the guy really is. In The Equalizer, Washington’s Bob McCall is working at a hardware store and just calmly sipping tea in diners for what feels like forever—but then Chloe Grace Moretz is beaten up by her pimp, and McCall’s all like, “Allow me to get out my stopwatch and murder your entire crew in less than 30 seconds, Mr. Pimp.”
28.24 seconds and one corkscrew inserted into the jaw of a goon later, and it’s extremely clear: DO NOT FUCK WITH THE EQUALIZER.
The buildup is worth the ensuing chaos, but what’s fun about the sequel to these types of movies is that there doesn’t have to be any dramatic buildup; the badass characters can just be completely badass right away because everyone’s on the same page. Just ask the dudes in possession of John Wick’s car in the opening scene of John Wick: Chapter 2.
With that in mind, the first trailer for The Equalizer 2 wastes no time. It starts with shots of Denzel Washington snapping the the neck of someone who probably deserves to get their neck snapped.
And it took only 10.09 seconds—nice! (Also yes, that is Denzel, in Turkey, disguising himself with a scraggly beard and a taqiya.)
If this trailer is any indication, McCall is going to inflict so much pain on so many people in The Equalizer 2. Frankly, there’s so much pain in this preview that it felt necessary to crunch the numbers and break down just how much bone-crunching, throat-slitting, and finger-breaking Denzel does in it. Here’s my tally:
Necks Snapped: One—that guy on the train. I’m willing to bet house money there will be more snapped necks in the full movie, though.
Throats Slit: Two. PROTECT YA NECK.
Bones Broken: Four. (I’m counting people whose bones are snapped and not the individual bones of each person.) In one of those incidents, McCall tells a scared bro who looks like a Billions extra to do the Vulcan salute, and then he proceeds to snap those fingers, which is art.
People Shot: Four, including one person who is shot with a harpoon?!
Denzel Washington Threats: Two. Of those, there is one clear winner: When McCall says, “I’m going to kill each and every one of you, and the only disappointment is that I only get to do it once.” How chilling and dark!
Stabbings: Three, two of which end with a neck snap or a throat slit. McCall is efficient.
People Thrown Off a Tower: “Just” one.
The Equalizer 2 arrives in theaters July 20. Until then, I will be rewatching this trailer ad infinitum.
