Seerat Sohi: Before Sunday’s NBA All-Star Game, the respective captains of the Western and Eastern Conference teams—LeBron James and Giannis Antetokounmpo—will engage in a pickup-style draft to pick their teams. This year, the NBA has added to the coincidental drama that came last year from the game being after the trade deadline by having this draft happen on the court and in the flesh.
In that spirit, J. Kyle Mann, the scouting extraordinaire whose dulcet tones can be heard making up the other half of The Answer, squared up against me in this week’s episode—and in a written version below—to draft our own teams.
J. Kyle Mann: Let me just stop you right there: Tone it down with the flattery, pal. Knowing the ruthless, mamba-minded person that it’s coming from, I will not be distracted by kind words, nor will I reciprocate. This is war, but before we get going, let’s establish the framework for what we’re trying to do here.
The Ringer’s Updated NBA All In-dex
After the trade deadline, which teams are all in for a 2022-23 title push? And which ones have their sights set on the future?
The All-Star Game is essentially lazy pickup, but in this exercise we’re imagining what it’d be like if the two teams were actually meeting in a serious way. This is a Secret Wars–type simulation (that’s a comic book reference that Seerat won’t get and will probably mock) in which we assemble the greatest heroes in the game and have them do battle in a playoff series, in earnest, for our entertainment. To mirror the current state of the personnel available for this game, the long-term injured players won’t be included. That means neither of us will be drafting Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry, or Zion Williamson.
Seerat: Kyle, as I write this blurb, I’m seeing that almost 69 percent of voters would choose your drafted podcast team over mine. First of all: nice. Second of all: It’s destabilizing, on a societal level, to know this many people are flat-out wrong. But I still consider myself a woman of the people, and I embrace any opportunity to educate the masses.
Kyle: I find it interesting that, after condescending to a healthy, thoughtful (and most certainly correct) majority of people, you would have the audacity to make any kind of strong statement involving stability since you’ve failed to assemble a stable, cohesive basketball team. I’m just saying: Don’t present yourself as the authority on that.
Seerat: You understand you’re talking about a poll conducted on Elon Musk’s Twitter, right?
But I digress. Luckily, at The Ringer, we believe multiple debate formats are essential to the democratic process, so we’ll be going over our selections and explaining them pick by pick. Now, as a concerned citizen, sore loser, and dyed-in-the-wool fascist, I likely won’t accept any result aside from the obviously correct one, but I’m willing to put up the facade of hearing you out here. Kyle, since you won the coin flip and nabbed the no. 1 pick (although I’m beginning to wonder whether that process was rigged), why don’t you get us started?
Kyle: This is a hard time to pick the best player in the world. It’s a testament to the utterly absurd level of talent we have in the league from top to bottom. In a playoff series, though, assuming plenty of responsive tweaks are made to our two teams, I want the most undeniable and positionally flexible two-way player available. For me, that’s Antetokounmpo—arguably (but not really) the prime athletic powerhouse in the league, who happens to be in his prime as a basketball player at 28 years old.
He’s one of the foremost free throw generators in the game, he’s still a 74 percent finisher at the rim, he can handle or screen or be a dribble-handoff fulcrum, he’s a defensive tool that’s applicable to just about any type of problem, he can play multiple pick-and-roll coverages. I could go on, but I think you already know you’re fucked. Giannis without other super-duper-stars around him is enough of a problem as it is, so imagining him in this context is harrowing. Blam.
Seerat: Blam? You guys see what I have to deal with around here? I’ll give you credit, though: We’re not even through one pick, and you’re already all monocles and theories.
Kyle: I’m not wearing a monocle, but I am smoking a pipe in a huge Victorian-era velvet chair. A first-edition Velvet Underground vinyl is also playing just behind me. This cardigan is cashmere.
Seerat: First off, I know you’re going to try to get me to party with you in Salt Lake City this weekend. Don’t bother. I’m well versed in your strategies of sabotage. Real Bill Russell hanging out with Wilt before a big game shit here. Second, don’t “forget” your basketball shoes at home either. Never trust a man with two first names, folks. I see right through you and your act. With my first pick, I’m taking Joel Embiid, whose combination of force and versatility puts your flexibility in an immediate bind. See what I did there?
Basketball becomes a half-court game in the postseason, and there’s simply no answer to the NBA’s scoring leader when the game grinds to a halt. He’s an auto-double who’s simultaneously big and bulky and silky and smooth, with a jab step that parts seas and pump fakes and Dream Shakes at his disposal. He can bully smaller players and shoot over the quicker ones. Did you see the speed of his stepback against Nic Claxton, a fringe Defensive Player of the Year candidate, last week? That’s become regular for him. The Process is complete. Embiid is a matchup-proof free throw merchant, getting nearly a third of his buckets from the stripe.
By the way, I’m fixated on how you said Giannis “still” averages 74 percent at the rim. “Still” is usually a compensatory word, so I’m guessing you’re alluding to his all-around shooting regression. Embiid is also shooting 74 percent at the rim this season, and while Antetokounmpo certainly draws more free throws, Embiid makes 1.3 more per game.
Kyle: Fixate to your heart’s content, if you’re willing to make a bet that Giannis has magically changed as a human being in the past calendar year. I for one am willing to graciously concede that things happen. I love the positive things that have happened in Embiid’s game, and it’s probably fair that his narrative energy this year has been somewhat similar to Giannis’s after the 2019-20 season, for some reasons that you could categorize as unfair: Injury luck is fickle, and at some point, your supporting cast has to carry their weight. You’re right about the doubles that would come, and Embiid has definitely grown on that front. He’s posting a career high this season in assist per direct post when doubled, which is why (a) I want someone who will make him move a lot, in hopes of tiring him, and (b) why I want a super-processor off-ball free safety who can play mind games with him when the doubles do come.
That (among other scoring and playmaking reasons that I feel like I really shouldn’t have to state?) is why I’m taking the still awesome LeBron James. Aside from his production, LeBron is the ultimate playoff litigator and game-to-game thinker in the sport. You wanna play fast? Great, I have the two best transition players of all time. You wanna play slow? Cool, LeBron can roll around in the mud. Not to mention the LeBron-Giannis pick-and-roll, which I have to imagine would create oceans of easy offense and open shots.
Seerat: Look, you know it pains me to say anything anti-Bron, but your roster also can’t buy a bucket from the perimeter. Aesthetically, I’m a huge fan of the Giannis-LeBron pairing, though. Minus the decade of wear and tear, you’re giving me Bron-era Miami Heat vibes. The only trouble is that my team won’t miss enough shots for you guys to really get a consistent head of steam—and they’re gonna rebound the ones they do miss.
That’s because I’m taking Nikola Jokic, the best passer in the game, averaging a triple-double with a true shooting percentage in the sizzling 70s—also known as the era of your childhood. Everyone else can fight over the MVP race. But I’m starting this year’s top two next to each other. The high-low game will be incredible. And for anyone who says you can’t play two 7-foot centers together, I have one answer: It’s 2023. Oh, and both of these guys can space the floor, while Embiid can protect Jokic on defense.
I’m going to delve into some theory here too: In the superteam era—and this is essentially a superteam draft—maximizing the leverage of multiple talent poles in 24 seconds will require players who don’t get too sticky with the ball. Jokic not only lets go of the ball quickly but also puts it exactly where it’s supposed to go. He’s the tactical lubricant that will unlock this offense.
Kyle: First of all, how dare you with the ’70s comment. Second, I would like to note that LeBron’s past two seasons have seen an uptick in contested 3s per 100 possessions, which I’d postulate is in some way affected by L.A.’s abysmal offensive ratings in both of those seasons, which I’d guess has been caused by that org’s [fart sound] curation of creators.
And man, I’m so distressed that my roster of TWO PLAYERS, both of whom offer a zillion other things, is a potential desert of shooting. It’s almost as if I’m operating under the assumption that the other players might balance that out? Slotting Jayson Tatum—another switchable defensive monster who also happens to be one of the top self-creators in the NBA—next to these two will feed right into his strengths, and obviously, it gives me another late clock option, should things bog down. I feel like we’re really stressing your first two picks by putting a lot of pressure on the rim and now spacing the floor, not to mention the turnovers my trio will generate. I’d imagine you’ll probably break your clipboard by the first TV timeout, given your notorious temper. I’m sipping a cobra’s fang tiki cocktail in a Hawaiian shirt. I changed out of the cardigan.
Seerat: You sound like you’re on tilt. There’s no need to be upset, Kyle. It’s just a game! I’m glad you unlayered and poured yourself a drink. Could help with your self-regulation. Plus, you’re clearly a little hot and bothered right now. Hope you feel better soon, XO.
… On second thought, that was some truly exceptional blogwork there. Have I tempted the wrath of Angry Pickup Kyle? Might wanna keep the cardigan on and make yourself a spicy Caesar.
FWIW, I was going to take Tatum. And I’m not just saying that to get back in your good graces. Luka Doncic is clearly the best player left at this spot, though, and he fits perfectly into my half-court designs. The Mavericks are dead last in pace this year, and Doncic is second in the NBA in wins above replacement. I’m hoping the abundance of talent surrounding him on my team allows the unscripted joy that earned him the Wonder Boy nickname to resurface. More Luka magic, less Luka math. If his early snafus with Kyrie Irving are any indication, he certainly wants to try.
Kyle: We’re really developing a clash of styles. My aim is matchup flexibility and speed, and we’re well on our way—pushing your offense and pulling your defense toward the sidelines (more on that soon) so that when the ball is in the air, our superior speed makes up for some of the gap in sheer size. Because I have a pulse and typically enjoy things that are good, I’m definitely captivated by the idea of the Doncic-Jokic-Embiid triumvirate, but Embiid is now protecting two teammates, and on offense I feel like the movement is going to be equivalent to some kind of livestream of glaciers drifting in the arctic circle.
I’ve got my nucleus; now it’s time to add shooters and creators to orbit what I’ve built. I’m taking Donovan Mitchell next because he’ll give me a highly capable primary or secondary creator, he’s a middle-game maven, and he’s a near–43 percent 3-point shooter on catch-and-shoot relocation. I can sense your eagerness to point out his defensive shortcomings, which is fine and valid. The past three seasons saw him slip a bit, but he’s been better this season, and I think he’d hold up fine next to what I’ve got.
Seerat: Slow can flow. Just ask the Joker. Color me unconcerned about offensive cohesiveness as long as he’s around. I’ll save the defensive critique here and concede that you’re making good points about the burden this lineup puts on Embiid. That’s why I’m taking Jaylen Brown to beef things up. I’m not always a fan of his bowling-ball-crashing-toward-the-rim style, but off the ball, with Doncic’s drive-and-kick prowess and Jokic’s proclivity for finding cutters? Feelin’ good about that 42.4 percent spot-up shooting accuracy, too.
Kyle: I can really sense your verve diminishing right now. Quite the argumentative salvo there, Perry Mason. Do you wanna go ahead and quit?
I’m really going to set you up to ridicule me, but I honestly don’t care. I feel so confident about the first four picks that I’m throwing a chaos agent into the mix. I’m taking Kyrie Irving. For a whole season, might some weirdness rear its head and cause a rift in my locker room? Maybe, but this is just one series, and Kyrie is still really freaking good with the ball in his hands. He’s been immensely efficient as a self-creator and/or playing off the catch, both from 3 and from, well, everywhere, quite frankly. I feel like this lineup would be a nightmare to defend for a whole possession.
Seerat: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hold on, let me catch my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHA. Haven’t you read about how only desperate teams go for Kyrie? Although, if the shoe fits …
Kyle: I just got a text from The Guinness Book of World Records. They said the yawn I recorded reading your response is the biggest one on record. Teams with great culture can absorb distressed assets and get the most out of them. Don’t be mad when you’re scrambling to stop our basic schemes and Kyrie is going bananas from all angles. Make your next pick, already.
Seerat: OK, I’m done laughing. Thanks for the assist there, pal. I’m taking Pascal Siakam. I bet you’d love that combination of speed, intelligence, playmaking, and versatile defense on your team, wouldn’t you? You won’t admit it, but we know it’s true. By the way, Brown is the smallest player in my starting lineup. You might want to start thinking about things that become important in the playoffs—like, say, physicality and rebounding—soon.
Kyle: Plenty of time and options for me to add size later. I’m going to lean into this philosophy of speed and playmaking and take Ja Morant. Our social team will have a lot more fun than yours, too. Insult to injury.
Seerat: Curious what kind of space Morant is going to play in. It sure would be nice to have a rebounder to crash the glass and put back his misses, too. Too bad I’m about to take Bam Adebayo off the board. At this point, I think I have plenty of insurance if you get it going in transition. You still don’t seem to have an answer for three of the best and most versatile isolation scorers in the game being on the same team, though.
Kyle: I have as many annoying deterrents to throw at each of them as you have childish retorts. And just imagine if I had Jaren Jackson Jr. (my next pick) on my tool belt, ready to be shot out of a cannon and used totally balls to the wall. Don’t do the easy thing and crack some joke about fouling. We both know he’s gonna foul, but it’s fine. He’s also grown as a driver in the past few seasons, so he’s going to draw some fouls, too.
Seerat: You know you’re feeling good about a pick when you immediately have to justify their flaws. I’m a JJJ guy, though. But Jokic and Embiid are going to have a field day. My team is designed to foul out even the cagier defenders in the league, so this dynamic should work for me. I’m taking Tyrese Haliburton here. Copy and paste what I wrote about Jokic and the importance of intuitive passers who get off the ball quickly. He’s right behind Jokic in passes made per game, and I love that 39 percent pull-up percentage. I’m just drooling about all the different variations of pick-and-roll and dribble handoffs I’m going to spam you with. I know you’re mad I took our no. 1 boy, Haliburton, and used the word “spam” in the same paragraph. We’re getting pretty Answer-core here.
Kyle: Sigh … let me compose myself. This will take a minute. OK. You’re right, it does sting, and the ball could definitely hum around the floor for you guys. The only tonic for this ailment is one of the most maddeningly herky-jerky players alive: my dude Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, who has also slowly but surely lessened his liability as a shooter. If I start mixing my lineups, Shai and Giannis on the floor together might be the greatest downhill show on earth.
Seerat: I’ll give it to Shai for improving his range, but his biggest advantage is attacking the paint. And again, Kyle, I gotta ask: IN WHAT SPACE??????????? I’m curious about how your boy is going to coexist with his teammates. Also, I just thought of another Kyrie dynamic: I’m sure having him on the same roster as James and Tatum, former teammates he’s abandoned, will go well. How soon until LeBron calls him “kid” again?
Damian Lillard is easily the most talented player left on the board here, but I’m going with Paul George. He gives me a little bit of everything I need: movement shooting, positional versatility, perimeter defense.
Kyle: Kyrie and those guys clearly made up. Didn’t you see that IG video in which LeBron is singing “Rewind” in the corniest way possible? Grace is a powerful force in the universe, Seerat. People grow and change. I hope that’s in the cards for you in particular. I’m just gonna pick arguably the best living perimeter defender and take Jrue Holiday.
Seerat: Then I’m taking Lillard here. I’m probably going to stagger him a ton with the starters and get some Seth Curry–Embiid dribble-handoff vibes going. We’re nearing the end here, and I gotta say, Kyle, things aren’t looking great for you.
I have size. I have positional versatility. I have all kinds of shooting: movement, spot-up, off the dribble. I have three of the best isolation scorers in the game. I have playmaking. Face it, Kyle: I have the nuts on a dry board. I don’t know whether there’s a turn and river combination that can save you here.
Kyle: You do have all those things, and it might just be me, but it seems like you weirdly keep omitting talking points that involve defense? “Space, ISO, handoffs,” blah, blah, blah. My team is way more likely to impose style of play defensively than yours, and we ain’t exactly slouches on the other end. I’m not sweating it on the isolation front with Giannis, LeBron, Kyrie, Shai, Tatum, Mitchell, Morant—man, I just named most of my roster! How about that? I think I’m fine, so I’m going to take Domantas Sabonis. He’ll give me some more versatility for freeing up my shooters. You wanna talk about touch time, nitty-gritty, passing, and effective screening? Those are good vibes. He’s a good vibes guy.
Seerat: I feel pretty good about my defense between Brown, Siakam, Embiid, Adebayo—a literal DPOY candidate—and George. I’ll take Anthony Edwards here purely because I think you’d want him.
Kyle: He’s fun. I’m not sure he’d be able to stay on the floor with this collection of players, but maybe he gets hot one game to try to prove he belongs. I’ll take the (stylistically speaking) evolved version of Ant and snag DeMar DeRozan next.
Seerat: Edwards is definitely the type of guy who would gun for the MVP just because he’s being picked this low. Same with Dame. You really hate shooters, huh? May I recommend this book about the modern NBA? I’ll take Lauri Markkanen here. Love his ability to play off the ball, cut, shoot, and put pressure on the rim. Getting more and more concerned about your rebounding ability here.
Kyle: I guess we’re flipping a coin to see who gets De’Aaron Fox and who gets Julius Randle. I admit that I’ve criticized both of these guys at different points, but I’ll be just as quick to give them their due for kicking ass this year. I’ll take Fox, who has answered a lot of his doubters in a scheme that better suits him. Look, this is definitely a war of head versus heart for me. I’m an offense guy. Most of my spiritual beliefs are defined by Bill Walton’s rant about the 1992 Lithuania team. I like your team, and you could easily fall down a wormhole analyzing the myriad lineups that could be thrown together out of either of these groups …
… but I still think I’d win.
Seerat: Randle’s probably not getting off my bench. No disrespect meant here— he’s having a great regular season. His slow feet are also lab designed to get schemed out of the playoffs, and his offense doesn’t move the needle enough to make up for it. So here’s what our final rosters look like:
NBA All-Star Draft Picks
I think this is the end of the road for us, Kyle. Maybe the real All-Star draft is the insults you endure along the way. Until next time.
