Celine Song’s 2023 film, Past Lives, opens with a simple image: two men and a woman at a bar. One of the men deep in conversation with the woman, the other sitting quietly off to the side, sipping his drink. Over this image, in hushed tones other bar patrons try to suss out what the relationship of these three individuals might be. Are they friends? Lovers? What’s going on here? To the audience, however, it’s remarkably clear: This man is getting cucked.
Cuck cinema is having a mainstream moment. Song and her husband, Justin Kuritzkes, have independently written (and in Song’s case, directed) two films centered almost exclusively on the act of cucking. That’s the aforementioned Past Lives, in which Greta Lee cucks John Magaro until they hug it out, and the upcoming Challengers, in which Zendaya appears to cuck Josh O’Connor and/or Mike Faist. (Side note: After being set for a September 15 release date, Challengers has now been postponed to 2024, no doubt for fear of an excess of Hollywood cucking.)
Sure, “cuck” has had a long and winding journey to its current moment in the cinematic spotlight, from Geoffrey Chaucer’s use of “cuckold” to cuck’s place as the insult du jour of myriad far-right trolls. But let us not pretend that the word “cuck” itself, with its monosyllabic brevity and hard consonant punch, doesn’t rule. Let us also not pretend that during the last several years, it has not become (for better or worse) something far more universal, its definition stretching from “insult for a man whose wife is cheating on him” to a sort of catchall for any spineless or subservient specimen.
Urban Dictionary alone offers countless different pages of definitions for the word. A simple Twitter search reveals its usage by three wildly disparate sources: (1) Elon Musk, who recently so eloquently opined that “Zuck is a cuck”; (2) users dunking on Ben Shapiro, whose 40-minute screed on his emasculation at the hands of the Barbie movie has been labeled a sort of ironic cucking in and of itself; and (3) the subtitle of an NSFW video of a girl who’s hocking a major loogie at the camera. All-inclusive? I think so! Our most global word? Perhaps!
So why is it an insult? Sure, getting cucked can be a drag, but let’s not kink shame! Perhaps there are as many shades of cuckdom as there are of cinema itself. Perhaps it is time, as Richard Kind intones to Joaquin Phoenix in 2023’s Beau Is Afraid (itself sort of a film about a cuck), to “stop the humiliation.” The cuck slander must cease. In fact, given the history and current rise of cuck cinema, we instead honor our cucks, revere them, even. If we are about to embrace a new class of cuckold—tennis cucks—into the cinematic landscape in such a major way, it seems only fair to pay homage to those who came before. Thus, I present this detailed document: a comprehensive taxonomy of cinematic cucks.
Classic Cucks
Examples: Mr. Robinson (The Graduate), Tom Buchanan (The Great Gatsby), Little Bill (Boogie Nights), Johnny Cammareri (Moonstruck), David Murphy (Indecent Proposal), Harge Aird (Carol), Coach Popper (The Last Picture Show), Laura’s husband (Brief Encounter), Richard Hart (Notes on a Scandal), Paris (Romeo and Juliet), Walter Gaskell (Wonder Boys)
Oxford Languages defines “cuckold” as “a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, regarded as an object of derision.” A toxic definition, to be sure, but nonetheless useful for our purposes here, particularly in identifying our most textbook classic cuckolds in cinematic history. These are the old standbys; they know they’re being cucked, and so do we.
Evil Cucks
Examples: Gaston (Beauty and the Beast), the Duke (Moulin Rouge!), Judge Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), James Norrington (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl), Judge Turpin (Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street), Prince Humperdinck (The Princess Bride)
Cuckus antagonistus, antagonist cucks. In most cases, these gentlemen feel a certain entitlement to the woman protagonist and work in opposition to her actual male romantic interest. For instance, Gaston’s every last inch may be covered in hair, but he is nevertheless still cucked by a giant buffalo man.
Leading Man Cucks
Examples: Lester Burnham (American Beauty), Royal Tenenbaum (The Royal Tenenbaums), Yusuke Kafuku (Drive My Car), Johnny (The Room), Cal Weaver (Crazy, Stupid, Love), Edward Sumner (Unfaithful), Dr. William Harford (Eyes Wide Shut)
Cucks whose cuckdom is the focus of the film. Bonus points to Stanley Kubrick, whose arguable final cinematic checkmate was a sort of meta-cucking of Tom Cruise. Legendary move.
Understanding Cucks
Examples: King Arthur, Burt Fabelman (The Fabelmans)
Cucks who know what’s going down and play ball. In various versions of his legend, Arthur is famously cucked by Lancelot; in Steven Spielberg’s The Fabelmans, Burt is cucked by Seth Rogen. Both are noble sweetie pies who fall on their proverbial swords to protect the integrity of their wives. Only one’s cucking is filmed by the young man who would become Steven Spielberg.
Cucked by an Outsider
Examples: Cal Hockley (Titanic), Tsu’tey (Avatar), Kocoum (Pocahontas), Jim (Edward Scissorhands), D.K. (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift)
These are the masters of their domain who find themselves competing with some sort of charming newcomer. It’s important to note that Billy Zane’s Cal not only got cucked by a young, floppy-haired Leonardo DiCaprio, but also put the diamond in the coat and put the coat on her.
If we’re thinking more abstractly, I would also argue for the inclusion of Andy Garcia in Ocean’s 11, who is essentially cucked by 11 people (hot?), and of Shooter McGavin, who got golf cucked by Happy Gilmore.
Incel Cucks
Examples: Jud Fry (Oklahoma!), Jake (I’m Thinking of Ending Things), the Phantom of the Opera (The Phantom of the Opera)
These are the boys who find themselves incapable of attracting a romantic partner and are involuntarily resigned to being somewhat hostile sadboi cucks.
Cucks Played by John C. Reilly
Examples: Dan Brown (The Hours), Amos Hart (Chicago)
In 2002, Reilly was cucked by Julianne Moore and Toni Collette in The Hours and by Renée Zellweger and Dominic West in Chicago. What a year! An Academy Award–nominated cuck!
Cucks Played by Jason Clarke
Examples: George Wilson (The Great Gatsby), James (All I See Is You), Henry McAllan (Mudbound), Frank Zariakas (Serenity), Lewis Morgan (The Aftermath), Carl Henderson (The Devil All the Time)
Hollywood’s no. 1 favorite cuck. Sean Bean is to dying on-screen as Jason Clarke is to being a cuck. Sure as the Lord made little green apples, if you see Jason Clarke in a movie, he is going to get cucked. Even in 2023’s Oppenheimer, he sits in a boardroom watching as Florence Pugh rides the absolute hell out of Cillian Murphy, a fantasy sequence that is meant to cuck Emily Blunt (also present), but that also seems to fulfill Clarke’s most important contract stipulation: If I am to appear in your film, I must be cucked.
Cucked by a Vampire
Examples: Jonathan Harker (Bram Stoker’s Dracula), Jacob Black (The Twilight Saga)
Vampires Who Are Cucked
Examples: Barbara Covett (Notes on a Scandal)
By the conservative definition, it seems that women can’t be cucks; rather, these are called “cuckqueans,” which sounds extremely fierce. Still, there is room for characters who present as female but are spiritually nosferatu. This is a list of one.
Other Cuckqueans
Examples: Alma and Lureen Newsome (Brokeback Mountain), Elizabeth Proctor (The Crucible), Patrizia Gucci (House of Gucci), Toni Collette as Rose (In Her Shoes), Toni Collette as Pam (The Way Way Back), Dani Ardor (Midsommar), Luisa Contini (Nine), Kim (Shiva Baby), the Baroness (The Sound of Music), the Countess of Lyndon (Barry Lyndon), Sharon Goodnow (Tár), Dinah Ratner (Uncut Gems), Russell Hammond’s wife (Almost Famous)
Pour one out for all these ladies.
Couples Who Are Cucking Each Other
David and Ellen Shayne (Bullets Over Broadway), Sally Bowles and Brian Roberts (Cabaret)
Couples Who Are Cucking Each Other With Other Couples
George and Martha, Nick and Honey (Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)
Cucked by Someone Who Should Be Worse Than They Are at Their Job but Who Nevertheless Keeps Succeeding
Aaron Burr (Hamilton), Bud Frump (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying)
Cucked by Himself
The main character (Fight Club)
Cucked by Conrad Birdie
The denizens of Sweet Apple, Ohio, in particular one Hugo Peabody (Bye Bye Birdie)
Cucked by Someone (or Something) Bigger Than They Are
Adam Kesher (Mulholland Drive), Aron Ralston (127 Hours)
Cucked by Someone Smaller Than They Are
Smaug (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug), the Wet Bandits (both Home Alones)
Cucked by God and/or the Universe
Llewyn Davis (Inside Llewyn Davis), Eeyore
Cucked by God and/or Mozart
Antonio Salieri (Amadeus)
Cucked by God and/or Sy Ableman
Larry Gopnik (A Serious Man)
Cucked by Technology
Dave Bowman (2001: A Space Odyssey)
Cucked by a Monster
Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein), Larry Cotton (Hellraiser)
Cucked by a Man Who Stole a Loaf of Bread
Javert (Les Miserables)
Cucked by Somali Pirates
Captain Phillips (Captain Phillips)
Cucked by Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat
Anyone in the 2019 film Cats who is not Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat
(Ironically, Skimbleshanks is ultimately cucked by the system when he is not made the Jellicle Choice. Injustice is a plague.)
Cucked by Crash at the 2006 Academy Awards
Brokeback Mountain and, to a certain extent, Munich
Cucked by the Minions From the 2010 Animated Film Despicable Me
Cinema itself
Cucked by Women With Whom You’ve Been Romantically Involved Who Nevertheless Have a Lesbian Relationship After You’ve Introduced Them to the Concept of Inhabiting John Malkovich
Craig Schwartz (Being John Malkovich)
Cucked by Men Who Are Stealing Milk From the First Cow in the Territory
Chief Factor (First Cow)
Cucked by the Grinch
Mayor Augustus Maywho, and also Christmas (How the Grinch Stole Christmas!)
Cucked Due to Not Being Able to Purchase a Turbo Man Doll
Howard Langston (Jingle All the Way)
Cucked by His Son
Henry Jones (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Cucked by His Dad
Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Dads Who Are Cucks
Examples: King Triton (The Little Mermaid), Jack Byrnes (Meet the Parents), Dr. Finkelstein (The Nightmare Before Christmas)
A troubling genre, but one we must confront if we are to be at all thorough in this taxonomy. These are the paternal figures in cinema who have such a dominant and protective relationship with their daughters that the introduction of a romantic interest for said daughter is framed as a sort of Freudian cucking in and of itself. This is all very cringe, but undeniable; we as a society must accept that Disney kind of makes it seem like Prince Eric cucked King Triton.
Accidental Cucks
Example: The entire family in Parasite
These people did not choose to be cucks, but were made involuntary cucks nevertheless when they hid under a table and had to listen to those rich people bone.
People Who Think They’re Being Cucked When They Aren’t
Albert Goldman (The Birdcage), Edna Turnblad (Hairspray), Nicolette (Mistress America)
Movies That Cuck You Because They Fuck So Hard
Everybody Wants Some!!
Movies That Cuck You Because They Are So Humiliating
Elizabethtown, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
Woody From Toy Story
I’m sorry, but he watches from a toy chest as his owner Andy plays with Buzz Lightyear on a bed that literally used to have his face on it. Major cuck behavior.
Cucked by Pilot Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger
The birds that tried to take down US Airways Flight 1549 from LaGuardia Airport to Charlotte Douglas International Airport (Sully)
Three minutes into the flight, at an approximate altitude of 2,800 feet, these birds struck the plane, delivering permanent damage to both engines. Unable to reach nearby airports Teterboro or Newark, Sully made a forced water landing, saving 155 souls and cucking the absolute shit out of those birds. This is why we call it the Miracle on the Hudson.
Feels Cucky, but I Can’t Explain It
Some odds and ends: Hawkeye (The Avengers), Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen), Cameron Frye (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), the Ghost (A Ghost Story), Bert (Mary Poppins), Ebenezer Scrooge (but specifically in The Muppet Christmas Carol), Bastian Bux (The NeverEnding Story), Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
One final entry: Laurie from 2019’s Little Women, who distills in three simple words the essence of all things cuck: “And I’ll watch.” Amen.
Kyle Wilson is a writer who lives in Brooklyn and is happiest when he’s writing about film, television, or his insatiable obsession with Joe Pesci’s performance in The Irishman. His work has appeared at Polygon and Screen Rant and you can follow him at @icanvalk.