Maybe I’m the only one, but I’ve always wanted to see my favorite horror movie characters in a game of basketball. The thought of Titane’s Adrien dribbling up to an awaiting Erin Harson (You’re Next) while Trantor the Troll (Ernest Scared Stupid) and Childs (The Thing) battle in the low post is what dreams are made of. The game would inevitably be called off in seconds after The Exorcist’s Pazuzu inhabits the body of a sideline reporter and Justine from Raw bites off three of the referee’s fingers. The crowd would be in grave danger and the lawsuits would be never-ending, but for a few glorious moments, the world would get to see Count Orlok from Nosferatu in basketball shorts.
But OK, if I can’t watch the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth dunk on the cat from House (1977), the next best thing we can do to celebrate Halloween and the new NBA season is figure out which year has the best horror movie starting five.
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What I mean by best horror movie starting five is: Which year has five horror films that would make up a starting five that resembles the 1987-88 Lakers? On a 2022 episode of The Byron Scott Podcast, Scott said, “On our team in the ’80s, you had five guys on the court. All those guys could dribble, shoot, rebound, and run.” The same needs to be said for the five films picked to represent their year—they all need to be able to slash, scare, provoke, and psychologically scar people so deeply that they’re eternally afraid to look under their beds (Ernest Scared Stupid is a PG-rated terror machine). To be included in this list, the years need to be top-to-bottom strong and not like 1994, which has a couple of all-stars like In the Mouth of Madness and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, but also has Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter, and Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead rounding out the lineup. 1994 is the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers of horror movie years. On the other hand, 2016 is strong all the way through, with all-stars like The Wailing, Train to Busan, Green Room, The Witch, and Shin Godzilla. All of these 2016 films are capable of dropping clutch baskets like James Worthy in 1988.
Figuring out and ranking the 10 best starting fives wasn’t easy, and it took everything I had not to put 1999 in first place because I love Deep Blue Sea (horror’s Dirk Nowitzki) so much. But this is obviously a very serious and important exercise, so to land on the right conclusions, I had to put a set of rules in place.
- I went through every year since 1922 (Nosferatu, Häxan, Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler, The Headless Horseman, and A Blind Bargain) and put together a strong starting five for each year from all the available options around the world.
- I stared at them until I felt like I knew how Marlena felt in Cloverfield when her eyes started bleeding.
- On IMDb, Green Room is listed as being released in 2015 because it played at the Cannes Film Festival and the Toronto International Film Festival, but it didn’t get a theatrical release until 2016. Thus, it was counted as being released in 2016.
- Some films never received a theatrical release in America. For those, the date when they were released theatrically in other countries was used.
- Sequels, remakes, reboots, prequels, and rebootquels are part of the fabric of the horror genre, so all of them were considered when I put together the starting five films for each year.
- Assembling starting fives for each year wasn’t as simple as picking the top five highest-grossing films or the movies with the best Tomatometer scores and calling it a day—that would make this thing just a list. Like, if you went with the highest-grossing films of 2016, you’d get The Conjuring 2, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, Don’t Breathe, Lights Out, and The Shallows. Those are fun movies, but 2016 also featured Green Room, Train to Busan, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Shin Godzilla, The Wailing, and The Witch—which pretty much all feel like starters despite their inferior counting stats.
- There are certain intangibles that come with the horror genre. It can tackle everything from mental illness (The Dark and the Wicked) to nuclear holocaust (Godzilla) to consumerism (Dawn of the Dead) in intelligent ways that both frighten and enlighten people. When I picked the starters for each year, it was important to choose the films that offer something unique to the world while expanding what the horror genre can do. Don’t worry, a few badass slasher movies were picked, too—your Dennis Rodmans, perhaps—but ultimately, the years’ squads had to be well rounded.
- Horror is an expansive genre with many subgenres and offshoots, so for this team-building exercise, the definition was kept as wide and fluid as possible.
Now that the rules have been established and the greatest horror movies ever made (Deep Blue Sea) have been name-dropped, here are the 10 years with the best horror movie starting lineups:
10. 2007
- The starting five: [Rec], The Mist, The Orphanage, Inside, 28 Weeks Later
- The scouting report: Mean … excessive blood … huge jump scares … will make you leave the arena feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck … beautifully crafted … solid helicopter action
- Which basketball team would it be? The 2012-13 Miami Heat
I remember watching the Frank Darabont–directed The Mist (I hadn’t read the book, so I had no idea what I was in for) and just thinking, “Holy shit, did the guy from Deep Blue Sea just kill everyone in the car?” There are moments in all of these films that’ll flatten you. Between the final scene in [Rec]—featuring the gnarliest zombie in zombie history—and the moment in which Laura (Belén Rueda) is shoved into the bathroom in The Orphanage, there hasn’t been a group of horror films that hits harder.
Tony Parker would be happy that Inside, a French new-wave horror film, made the starting lineup because 2002-10 was a wild time for French horror films. Irreversible, Martyrs, High Tension, Frontier(s), Them, and Inside all left theatergoers saying, “Putain de merde.” Inside is particularly haunting—I don’t think I’ll ever shake the moment when a homicidal maniac uses a pair of scissors to cut open a blood-covered woman who is giving birth on a staircase. Directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo were uncompromising with the violence, but their high-quality artistry and technique ultimately make the film palatable.
Finally, the Juan Carlos Fresnadillo–directed 28 Weeks Later might seem like the weak link here, but it’s one of the best horror sequels ever made—and it fits nicely alongside Inside and The Mist because it’s just as mean. Jeremy Renner becomes a human fireball, Rose Byrne’s head is smashed into a pancake, and there’s a moment when Robert Carlyle uses his thumbs to gouge the eyes out of his on-screen wife. 28 Weeks Later is a grueling experience that leaves the audience just as exhausted as Robert Carlyle’s character was after the opening chase scene, which is also how it felt watching LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh for years.
9. 1932
- The starting five: Vampyr, Island of Lost Souls, This Old Dark House, The Most Dangerous Game, Freaks
- The scouting report: Pre–Hays Code … heavily censored … influential … they make traveling seem like a horrible idea … big-name directors
- Which basketball team would it be? The 1988-89 Detroit Pistons
The best part about writing and researching this piece is discovering that the “The Bad Boys” of basketball and the pre-Code horror movies of 1932 can be mentioned in the same sentence. Movies like Freaks, Island of Lost Souls, and Vampyr weren’t actively playing dirty, but their subject matter and visuals shocked or upset theatergoers around the world, leading to wholesale edits and, in the case of Island of Lost Souls, a ban in 12 countries for its gnarly visuals, involving vivisections and human-animal hybrids. Time has been kind to the starting five of 1932: Vampyr, Island of Lost Souls, Freaks, and The Most Dangerous Game are part of the Criterion Collection now, and This Old Dark House is admired by Joe Dante, Rob Zombie, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show director Jim Sharman.
These movies also brought something new and fresh and truly kicked the horror genre into the 20th century. It was James Whale and Tod Browning who helped start the horror craze in the 1930s with their monster films Frankenstein and Dracula, respectively, and their clout helped Freaks and This Old Dark House reach the cinemas and ultimately horrify a bunch of people who were just coming out of the Great Depression. Meanwhile, Carl Theodor Dreyer’s Vampyr eschewed traditional storytelling methods to create a disorienting nightmare that features some of the greatest shadow and fake fog work ever. After directing the 1928 film The Passion of Joan of Arc, Dreyer’s goal while developing Vampyr was to make something “different from all other films” that would feel like a “waking dream.” Dreyer shot on location in France and used the camera to create haunting expressionistic visuals inspired by Raphael, Goya, and Henry Fuseli. “The camera becomes a character in the film,” Oscar-winning director Guillermo del Toro once said. “It’s more than a witness, it’s an active participant in the narrative, and therefore it’s deeply cinematic.” The problem is, audiences thought Dreyer’s waking dream felt more like a nightmare, and it wasn’t until decades later when critics and cinephiles were like, “Hey, this is actually really bloody good.” Now it’s ranked no. 59 on Time Out’s 100 Best Horror Movies list.
8. 2017
- The starting five: Get Out, Raw, The Blackcoat’s Daughter, It, Split
- The scouting report: Big … might eat a limb … award winning … peculiar cereal eating … might try to lure you into a sewer … watch out for beast mode … sometimes they play possessed
- Which basketball team would it be? The 2016-17 Golden State Warriors
2017 was a giant year for horror films: Eight movies cleared the $100 million box office milestone, making it the most lucrative year for horror in decades. Critically speaking, it was also a good year for horror, as Get Out became the sixth horror film to be nominated for Best Picture and director-writer Jordan Peele won an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. It’s hard to ignore the success of It, Get Out, and Split—those three movies pulled in a combined $1.23 billion at the worldwide box office—and when unadjusted for inflation, the $701 million box office haul of It is the highest for any horror film. Get Out and It alone could carry a squad to the NBA Finals; toss in M. Night Shyamalan’s Split, a $9 million–budgeted blockbuster that collected $278.5 million worldwide, and you have a terrible trio of films reminiscent of the Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, and Kevin Durant trio that terrorized NBA teams on their way to a record-breaking 16-1 playoff run.
The two films that make 2017 an incredibly stacked team are The Blackcoat’s Daughter and Raw. Directed by Oz Perkins and Julia Ducournau, respectively, these films elegantly focus on terrible times on school campuses that involve decapitated heads, torn flesh, and a human leg that’s treated like a midnight snack. The best moment that happens during any of these movies is in The Blackcoat’s Daughter, when a lonely kid named Katherine (Kiernan Shipka, incredible) has a murderous demon excised from her body. What makes the exorcism so memorable is that after it’s successfully accomplished, the lonely Katherine looks at the pointy-eared demon and says, “Don’t go.” The fact that she feels so alone and doesn’t want to lose the company of a demon that forced her to decapitate several people conveys an overall sense of loss and sadness that’s truly unforgettable.
Both The Blackcoat’s Daughter and the coming-of-age movie Raw explore some very human issues through the lens of demonic possession and cannibalism. That’s why the horror genre is so special.
7. 1986
- The starting five: Aliens, The Fly, Manhunter, Little Shop of Horrors, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
- The scouting report: Lots of goo … beautiful cinematography … triple decapitations … singing plants … a dude turns into a fly
- Which basketball team would it be? The 1982-83 Philadelphia 76ers
This is really stupid, but I had to pair 1986 and the 76ers together for two reasons. First, Aliens and The Fly are incredibly juicy movies, and Moses Malone was one of the sweatiest players to ever step on the court. Second, after they made Friday the 13th: A New Beginning in 1985, I like thinking that the producers of the franchise said to its fan base, “We owe you one,” and thus hired up-and-coming director Tom McLoughlin to make a sequel that would spark new energy into the series by electrocuting Jason Voorhees back to life. This is just like the 1982 signing of Malone: The 76ers had been incredibly close to a championship for years and the owners knew they owed the city a title, so they paid Malone $13.2 million for a six-year deal. The result was an NBA championship … and a Friday the 13th sequel that currently has the second-highest Tomatometer score in the franchise.
6. 1978
- The starting five: Halloween, Dawn of the Dead, Martin, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I Spit on Your Grave
- The scouting report: Lots of Romero! … Panaglides down the court ... watch out for goblins … might infiltrate your team and snatch your players’ bodies … wildly controversial
- Which basketball team would it be? The 1999-2000 Los Angeles Lakers
There’s a moment in Halloween when Dr. Samuel Loomis, who is looking for escaped patient Michael Myers, looks at a local sheriff and says, “Death has come to your little town, Sheriff.” On the surface, it’s a very dramatic comment, but considering the can of whoop ass that Michael Myers handed out on Haddonfield, Illinois, that night, it’s not exactly hyperbolic. The players who had to guard Shaquille O’Neal during the 1999-2000 season must’ve felt the same way.
John Carpenter’s Halloween by itself could carry a team to at least the Western Conference finals; then toss in Dawn of the Dead and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, two of the best horror remakes or sequels ever made. It gets worse for the league when the squad is filled out by George A. Romero’s quasi–vampire film Martin and I Spit on Your Grave, one of the most controversial exploitation films ever made. The only thing that could stop this squad would be if the opposing team were made up of three Laurie Strodes (from the five different Halloween timelines), Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd), and Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes).
The 1999-2000 Lakers weren’t just great because of O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, and Phil Jackson—there were intangibles and supporting players like A.C. Green, Glen Rice, Robert Horror, Derek Fisher, Rick Fox, and John Salley that added toughness and veteran savvy. The same can be said for all of the 1978 movies that excelled because of the smart decisions made by John Carpenter, Debra Hill, George A. Romero, Philip Kaufman, and Meir Zarchi. Carpenter’s idea to use the Panaglide, a camera-stabilizing mount that allowed the camera to become a character itself, as it occasionally adopted Michael Myers’s point of view, paid off massively when the $325,00–budgeted film collected $47 million worldwide. And Romero’s insistence on satirizing consumerism while also heavily featuring Tom Savini’s beautiful special effects makeup meant that horror hounds and cinephiles both had something to enjoy while watching Dawn of the Dead. Philip Kaufman added a gnarly twist to Invasion of the Body Snatchers and insisted on the “characters having a depth of characterization,” which doesn’t always happen in horror cinema. Zarchi turned the hunted into the hunter in I Spit on Your Grave, and in Martin, Romero let the audiences decide for themselves whether the titular character (John Amplas) was a vampire or not.
The movies of 1978 and the 1999-2000 Lakers could’ve just relied on their talent and settled with being really good; instead, they came up with excellent game plans to become great. Also, it’s because of Dawn of the Dead that whenever I walk into a Sprouts, Costco, or Home Depot, I immediately start thinking about how I’d zombie-proof it so that I could go on a sweet shopping spree.
5. 1977
- The starting five: House, Suspiria, Eraserhead, Rabid, The Hills Have Eyes
- The scouting report: Knows kung-fu … hungry … lots of blood … excellent dancing … don’t get stuck in an RV with it … interesting parenting choices … more blood
- Which basketball team would it be? The 2013-14 San Antonio Spurs
Stylistically, the 2013-14 Spurs and the five 1977 movies have nothing in common (aside from being awesome), but I’m pretty sure Gregg Popovich could’ve fit a demon cat and a gang of cannibal savages into his system and made it work. The reason they’re paired together is because House, Suspiria, and Rabid are international productions and almost half of the 2013-14 Spurs players were born internationally. It just felt right. It also helps that the 1977 films in the starting lineup were directed by David Lynch (Eraserhead), David Cronenberg (Rabid), Dario Argento (Suspiria), Wes Craven (The Hills Have Eyes), and Nobuhiko Obayashi (House)—all legendary directors with an eye for experimental, pleasantly unpleasant visuals. None of these films were gigantic hits, but the highest scorer on the 2013-14 Spurs was Tony Parker, who averaged 16.7 points per game. Nine Spurs players averaged at least eight points a game during the season, which speaks to the teamwork and ability to spread the ball around. Sadly, none of the Spurs players had a stinger-like organ in their armpits that could suck opposing players’ blood during a game (Cronenberg is the best).
4. 2016
- The starting five: Green Room, The Wailing, Train to Busan, The Witch, Shin Godzilla
- The scouting report: Hits hard … isn’t afraid to kill off likable people … big monsters … Anton Yelchin and Imogen Poots are horror royalty … a baby gets turned into goo … train fights!
- Which basketball team would it be? The 1996-97 Chicago Bulls
2016: what a year. A 12-month stretch filled with some of the best and most underrated modern horror movies. Directed by Jeremy Saulnier and Na Hong-jin, respectively, Green Room and The Wailing hit hard and focus on likable people dying in horrible ways. The Wailing is one of the best horror films, a 156-minute movie that takes you to hell and back in ways you’ve never experienced. And one of the best moments of 21st-century horror happens at the end of Green Room, when Pat (Anton Yelchin) and Amber (Imogen Poots) finally meet the murderous Darcy (Patrick Stewart) after a night of chaos. Before meeting Darcy, Pat had only heard his voice or seen glimpses of him, and as he stares at him in broad daylight, he says, “You were so scary at night.” It’s a beautiful line by a person who is realizing that this perpetrator of terror is just a 70-something-year-old shithead who owns a neo-Nazi bar in the woods. The line is followed by a lightning-fast gunfight in which Darcy is shot in the head while Amber unleashes one of the greatest final lines in a film ever. (You just need to watch it.) “You turn a page, not knowing what’s going to happen on that new page,” Stewart said of the script. “And suddenly, you’re in a world of unspeakable violence and pain and of terror. And I’ve never read a script that had such a profound effect on me.”
Speaking of scenes that have a profound effect: In The Witch there’s a scene that involves a witch kidnapping a baby and turning it into goo so that its entrails and viscera can be used as a flying ointment that will be applied generously all over the witch’s naked body. That’s why Robert Eggers is so great. He’s a guy who goes for it and doesn’t care that he just shot, like, a five-minute scene involving baby goo.
3. 1960
The starting five: Psycho, Eyes Without a Face, Peeping Tom, Black Sunday, Jigoku
The scouting report: They go a little crazy sometimes ... they will 100 percent spy on you … might steal your money … don’t go to their surgeon … they don’t like losing and will take revenge … wildly influential
Which basketball team would it be? The 1964-65 Boston Celtics
The 1960 movies and the 1964-65 Celtics have to be paired up because of Bill Russell and Psycho—two deeply influential figures in their respective fields. Russell won 11 NBA titles, two NCAA championships, and an Olympic gold medal and changed the game of basketball. The Alfred Hitchcock–directed Psycho was a blockbuster smash hit that was nominated for four Oscars and is currently ranked no. 34 on IMDb’s Top 250 Movies.
But while many people know about the legacy of Psycho, it’s important to note that Peeping Tom, Eyes Without a Face, Black Sunday, and Jigoku are also highly respected horror films that make 1960 an almost unstoppable force of nature. The directing lineup is stacked: Mario Bava (Black Sunday), Nobuo Nakagawa (Jigoku), Georges Franju (Eyes Without a Face), and Michael Powell (Peeping Tom) infuse each film with a welcome dose of body horror and images of hell that would make the ones in Event Horizon be like, “This is a lot.”
Directors such as John Woo, Jess Franco, Steven Spielberg, Sam Raimi, M. Night Shyamalan, Martin Scorsese, Pedro Almodóvar, Brian De Palma, and John Carpenter were deeply influenced by these films, and Guillermo del Toro has said that Christiane in Eyes Without a Face, who is like an “undead Katharine Hepburn,” influenced his work because of the “contrast between beauty and brutality.” These movies were wildly ahead of their time, and in the case of Peeping Tom, the movie was so shocking that it practically ended director Michael Powell’s career. The movie quickly vanished from sight, and it wasn’t until years later that cinephiles like Martin Scorsese dug into their own pockets to pay for a print of the movie to be sent to the New York Film Festival so that people could watch it.
2. 1973
- The starting five: The Exorcist, The Wicker Man, Ganja and Hess, Don’t Look Now, Sisters
- The scouting report: Might lure you to an island and kill you … will make you hate red jackets … award winning … lots of vomit … veteran actors are given a chance to shine
- Which basketball team would it be? The 1985-86 Boston Celtics
The Exorcist is a gigantic movie: Box Office Mojo estimates that it’s sold 110,599,200 tickets since 1973, and when adjusted for inflation, that equals a domestic haul of more than $1 billion. It was also nominated for 10 Academy Awards and won two. It’s one of the scariest films ever made—theater workers famously had to help patrons who fainted while watching the movie. Like 1985-86 Larry Bird, The Exorcist was a game changer that opened up a new and lucrative world; it made it clear that horror could be subversive, bonkers, profitable, and appealing all at the same time.
The wild thing is that The Exorcist shares the court with Don’t Look Now, The Wicker Man, Ganja and Hess, and Sisters. It’s an embarrassment of riches that’s similar to the five Celtics Hall of Famers who stepped onto the court in 1986. Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now features one of the most iconic endings of all time, and Bill Gunn’s Ganja and Hess is, in the words of Leila Latif, “like listening to an expertly conducted orchestra.”
Filling out the rest of the squad is Robin Hardy’s simultaneously funny and horrifying The Wicker Man. The folk horror film is a visual and sonic delight that features one of the greatest uptight performances ever from Edward Woodward. Sisters, finally, was picked to round out the starting five because of Brian De Palma’s direction and the sensory blast of a murder scene that features loads of blood, loud synthesizers, and some now-renowned split-screen work. Sisters showcases some of De Palma’s best set pieces, and nowadays it’s rightfully being reappraised as more than a Hitchcock knockoff.
1. 1987
- The starting five: Near Dark, Evil Dead II, A Nightmare on Elm Street III: The Dream Warriors, Predator, Hellraiser
- The scouting report: Huge Biceps…John McTiernan is Awesome….Solid Mud Work…Nancy Thompson is a Beast…Good Teamwork….It Offers Pain and Pleasure….Lots of Gonzo Energy….Great Chin….Groovy…..Watch out for Chainsaws…Cool Soundtrack….Bill Paxton = Wonderful.....Don’t go to Bars With it
- Which basketball team would it be? 1987-88 Los Angeles Lakers
Picking the best starting five wasn’t easy, but after starting to relate to Bruce Campbell’s cackling character from Evil Dead II, I rallied and decided to go with 1987 because Near Dark, Evil Dead II, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Predator, and Hellraiser do a wonderful job of encapsulating the horror genre—and if you put them on a court together they’d make such beautiful chaos. The squad is made up of one sequel, one requel, a vampire Western, a subversive action-slasher, and a movie adapted from a novella. It covers a lot of ground!
It also just feels right to pair 1987 and the Lakers of the same year because of the unique blend of characters who came together to become probably the most complete basketball team ever. Magic Johnson is one of the greatest NBA players to set foot on the court and Evil Dead II is one of the best horror movies ever made. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was impossible to stop and the same can be said for the Yautja in Predator, who destroyed a squad of burly killers. Byron Scott was never selected for an All-Star Game and Near Dark was overshadowed by The Lost Boys (and the saxophone guy), but nowadays they are deeply respected for their on-the-court contributions and the fact that Bill Paxton makes for an excellent vampire. James Worthy’s triple-double in Game 7 of the ’88 Finals won him his third NBA championship with the Lakers, and A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors might be the best third entry in a horror franchise because of its beautiful boldness.
When it comes to A.C. Green, the most glaring similarity between Green and the Clive Barker–directed Hellraiser is that they stood out among their peers. Green was the straight man on the party-loving Lakers squad, and Hellraiser strived for elegance and played more like a domestic drama than a stereotypical slasher movie. One of the best and worst things to come out of the research for this article is that it will be impossible to watch the opening of Hellraiser and not sing “It Ain’t Worth It” as Frank Cotton (Sean Chapman) opens up the puzzle box and is torn apart by extra-dimensional Hell Priests.
1973, 1960, and 2016 could give 1987 some solid competition, but if we’re looking at a collection of films that do a solid job of summing up the creativity, charm, and personality of the genre, 1987 walks away with the championship puzzle box.
Mark Hofmeyer is an Atlanta-based film critic and script writer who contributes to Fandom, Film Theory, and Rotten Tomatoes. He also hosts the Movies, Films and Flix podcast and Deep Blue Sea: The Podcast.