As an NFL fan, I’ve learned there are few things more annoying than when a divisional rival goes on a thrilling playoff romp. You’re sitting at home, dreaming up free agent signings and future draft picks, and they’re out there, earning the favor of the football gods, spoiling everyone’s juicy parlays, stunting on the haters week after week. Real sickening stuff. Lately, I’ve even caught myself wincing a little whenever I’m in the presence of a television, nervous that at any moment I might find myself confronted with some NFL Network sizzle reel of my football nemesis, thriving.
Or actually, I should say, my football nemeses, plural. Because I’m a fan of the New York Giants, and this year’s playoff nightmare is worse than ever: There isn’t just one NFC East team that’s making a legit break for it, there are two of ’em, and both are frustrating in their own special ways.
First is the 14-3 Philadelphia Eagles, a team that has lofty expectations: They won the Super Bowl in February 2018, lost it in 2023, and made this season’s NFC championship game thanks to a sloppy, snowy 28-22 victory last weekend over the Rams. (You can purchase said sloppy snow for 50 bucks, natch.) And going up against them this weekend are the Washington Commanders, whose 12-5 regular-season record doesn’t include the team’s biggest and most recent win—their, well, commanding 45-31 upset against the NFC front-runners, the Detroit Lions. That victory last weekend marked the first time the Washington Football Franchise has won two games in the playoffs since 1991. (The team went on to win the Super Bowl that year.)
I absolutely hate to see it! Partly because I was raised to dislike the rest of the NFC East, like a good Giants fan—but mostly because lately, the Giants just haven’t been good. The deal with the devil that brought New York those two Super Bowls against Tom Brady has expired; New York has missed the playoffs in 11 of the 13 seasons since. But perhaps I should be looking at the situation differently. This weekend’s NFC championship game will feature enemies of my enemies competing against each other—which, put another way, suggests that maybe we’re all friends here. Life’s too short to wallow in a nihilist pulling-for-the-meteor mindset. It’s more fun to choose to root-root-root for someone, even if it’s someone I mostly can’t stand.
So below, you’ll find a little guided tour through the present, past, and future of NFC East football as I try my best to determine whether that someone ought to be the Commanders or the Eagles this time around. And while my goal here is to avoid devolving into a total grinch this weekend, please don’t be alarmed: I’ll still absolutely be holding grudges and growing appropriately grumpy when positive things happen to my football foes. Really, I can’t imagine reacting any other way.
The Present
Most Agonizing Player to Contemplate
The image of Eagles running back Saquon Barkley hurdling backward over some bewildered Jaguars in November has been burned permanently into my brain. It’s filed somewhere between Odell Beckham Jr.’s one-handed catch and Carlos Beltran striking out looking—each one a tiny glimpse into the sports world that might have been if some things had only gone a little differently.
“I’m gonna have a tough time sleeping if Saquon goes to Philadelphia,” Giants owner John Mara infamously said about then-pending free agent Barkley in last offseason’s Hard Knocks—which turned out to be a quietly disastrous look into New York’s front office. Me, I’ve had the opposite problem. The coolest player drafted by the New York Giants in ages just ran for over 2,000 yards while wearing Eagles paraphernalia—and then filmed a commercial for a sleep aid, trolling Mara!—and try as I might, I just can’t seem to wake up from this nightmare.
In a vacuum, letting Saquon—a dynamic running back with an injury history—walk wasn’t in and of itself a bad decision. Except that the decision didn’t take place in a vacuum: It was part of a domino cascade of other, lesser choices, many of which related to the organization’s yearslong mishandling of quarterback Daniel Jones. And all of which brings me to Barkley’s competition in this category, the Commanders’ rookie passer, Jayden Daniels.
Daniels, a Heisman Trophy winner from LSU who was drafted second last spring, had a first-year campaign for the ages, throwing for 25 touchdowns (almost a full half of which came in the fourth quarter or in overtime!), rushing for close to 900 yards, and completing nearly 70 percent of his passes. If the Commanders beat the Eagles on Sunday, it will mark the first time in NFL history that a rookie passer starts in a Super Bowl. It’s never good when one’s divisional rival acquires this kind of talent. But for the Giants, the Daniels arc isn’t just bad—it’s partially their own fault.
Remember Tommy Cutlets? For a few weeks there last season, undrafted free agent Tommy DeVito (and his flamboyant Italian-stallion agent, Sean Stellato) provided some whimsical comic relief when injuries thrust him into the starting QB role for the Giants. There were pin-striped suits involved, and Mama’s breaded chicken, and touchdown celebrations that incorporated Italian-coded hand gestures. It was all fun and games—until the lowly Giants started winning. In the end, DeVito’s three straight victories in November and December of 2023—one of which involved him throwing three touchdowns to beat the Commanders—led New York to fall a few spots in the NFL draft order and lose out on the chance to nab, yep, Daniels. You gotta laugh to keep from crying.
Hater’s choice: Like Jones and Sterling Shepard before me, I will be cheering on my close friend Saquon here. The way the Giants handled the Barkley situation isn’t his fault, and the season he’s had is worthy of being showcased on football’s biggest stage, whether I enjoy that experience or not. Seeing Saquon move closer and closer to a title with the Eagles has already been really bittersweet, it’s true. But the alternative—watching Daniels thrive so completely and so quickly in what’s only his rookie season—would just leave me feeling sour.
Most Chaotic Coach
I gotta hand it to Nick Sirianni: Anytime you can emerge from one (1) game in mid-October with both “Eagles’ Nick Sirianni Apologizes for Yelling at His Own Fans” AND “Nick Sirianni Denies Using Kids as Shield at Postgame Press Conference” headlines, you’ve got no choice but to do so. And as for Commanders head coach Dan Quinn? Well, kudos to him for having the stones to not only bring in a post-Thailand Kliff Kingsbury as his offensive coordinator this season, but also let the lad run rampant, right from the start.
Sure, the results were iffy at first (“I called one of the worst plays I’ve ever called in my entire career,” Kingsbury said after a loss in Week 1), and many of the team’s narrow wins have taken years off people’s lives (“I’ve been getting a tighter fade to hide the gray hairs, I’ll tell you that much,” Kingsbury said over the weekend). But Kingsbury’s kooky reemergence this season—and his relationship with Daniels—has been a key part of the Commanders’ outsize success.
Hater’s choice: The chaos agent and Philadelphia sports media enthusiast inside me knows that the world will be a whole lot funnier if Sirianni becomes a new Kyle Shanahan figure—something he can accomplish by either losing in the NFC championship game (again) or doing something stupid in the Super Bowl. But my vote is for Washington, largely because the North remembers …
Most Despicable Media Villain
Hey, speaking of chaos agents and Philadelphia sports media, I don’t know what’s more surprising: that we’ve actually seen the day that the loud-dressing, louder-ranting Philly radio provocateur Howard Eskin was finally ousted from his perch—or that somehow, Eskin might not be the most malignant media presence in the mid-Atlantic region. Enter Will Lewis, the cranky and ethically dubious publisher of the Jeff Bezos–owned Washington Post, who was recently described as being “best known for his hostility toward the newsroom” and as overseeing “one debacle after another” in his yearlong tenure. Now that’s the stuff.
Hater’s choice: This one is tough—lots of double negatives involved in the mental math because I suspect that someone like Eskin, even sidelined, will ultimately derive more joy and draw more strength from a Philly loss than a win. I also really enjoy the work of former Ringer colleague and current WaPo football scribe Sam Fortier and would love to see him reporting on the Commanders from New Orleans, even if it means a boost in Lewis’s bottom line. But! While I may hate the Eagles franchise, I nevertheless have a big soft spot for the City of Brotherly Behavior in the Press Box. So go get ’em, Iggles!
Most Likable Guy, Dammit!
Ugh, you mean to tell me that Pro Bowl receiver Terry McLaurin—who set a new Commanders record with 13 touchdown catches this year after enduring a revolving door of 11 Washington quarterbacks in his first six seasons—is nicknamed “Scary Terry” but is actually super sweet?
And what’s with this nice young man Jeremy Reaves proposing to his girlfriend on the field after clinching a playoff berth—and then having the decency, the absolute heart of gold, to tell reporters all kinds of lovely things about her?! Doesn’t he know I have sports hate in my soul that I’m trying my best to preserve? (“I can't say enough about her,” gushed Reaves, who joined Washington in 2018 after being waived by Philly. “When I was at my lowest last year, she was there to pick me up every day. She showed up. That’s my best friend. Been my best friend since high school.”)
It brings me no joy to report that the Eagles, for their part, employ some cool cats, too. I may be a Knicks fan, but I’m still totally defenseless against the charm of Philly receiver DeVonta Smith wearing cleats that mimic old Allen Iverson sneakers. And while I may be a proud American, I’m also just another sucker for a dude with an Australian accent—especially when that dude has a story like Jordan Mailata’s. “Has never played a single down of American football” was an actual line written on Mailata’s scouting report when the former pro rugby player entered the NFL draft process in 2018. These days, he’s a 6-foot-8, 365-pound offensive tackle who once competed on The Masked Singer and who this year earned second-team All-Pro honors. Some guys have all the fun.
Hater’s choice: Eh, this one’s a coin toss. I think I’m going soft in my advancing age.
The Past
Worst Memories
This feels slightly too obvious, but I’ll never forget how intensely I hated the experience of watching DeSean Jackson return that punt the length of the field to shock New York in the 2010 game known as [a cacophony of air horns and snare drums drowns me out]. Oh, and speaking of cacophony: Yeah, that Odell Beckham Jr.–Josh Norman feud was annoying and all, but have you ever stood on the streets of New York City as thousands and thousands of Washington fans and marching band members rolled through playing “Hail to the Redskins”?? (Yes that was in 1937, let me live.)
Hater’s choice: This category is clarifying because just thinking about past Eagles-Giants memories is spiking my heart rate. I cannot in good conscience root for the very same franchise that has ousted New York from multiple playoffs via David Akers kicks and all-time buzzkill-game upsets. So let’s strike up that Commanders band and point ’em toward Center City! We’ll let God and/or Gritty sort out whatever happens next.
Warmest Memories—of the New York Giants Defense in Late September 2007
[Extremely George Costanza recalling “the sea was angry” voice] It was a volatile time in New York City, my friends. The markets were about a week away from peaking and then death-spiraling into a world financial crisis. Hedge funds were blowing up hither and yon. And Tom Coughlin was emerging from a season on the hot seat. In hindsight, a pair of back-to-back NFC East matchups in late September 2007 helped keep citywide panic at bay a little longer, setting the Big Blue on their path to the Helmet Catch/18-1 Neener-Neener Super Bowl.
In Week 3 that year, with New York already 0-2 on the season and hanging on to a seven-point road lead against Washington, the Giants defense lined up on their own 1-yard line to try to clinch their win. And somehow, some way, they stuffed Washington again and again (and again!) and managed to—in the parlance of Mike Francesa—take da ziggy awf da board with respect to New York’s season record. One week later, back at what was still Giants Stadium to face the Eagles, the defense rose again, sacking Donovan McNabb 12 times en route to a 16-3 win.
Both of these performances were extremely satisfying and left behind nice memories that I cling to even now, close to (gulp) two decades later. I would give the Washington series the edge here—for having first jump-started that happy season with a Tony D’Amato–esque reminder that this is all a game of inches, and every now and then it’s blessedly the other guy that comes up short. But, like, sacking McNabb 12 times? Unlike the quarterback himself, that’s an accomplishment that refuses to be taken down easily.
Hater’s choise: VOTE ELI 4 HALL OF FAME.
Coldest Memories
The conditions never feel as harsh when you’re winning—which is probably why so many of the amazing responses on this “worst weather Giants games you attended” thread on the Big Blue Interactive message board involve brutal Giants losses paired with icy winds or frigid temps. “Was soaked heading home depressed. Friggen Mark Moseley,” reads one reminiscence, about a New York loss to Washington in 1981; “Brutal wind, which of course was the reason for Randall Cunningham’s epic 90+ yard punt,” recalls another about a 1989 loss to the Eagles.
But a marked number of answers did coalesce around one particular outing: an 8:30 p.m. game in December 2007 against Washington in which the stands and seats were laden with heavy slush, the parking lot was “a hockey rink,” and “trash was flying around the upper deck from the wind.” It was a malevolent climate indeed. Jeremy Shockey broke his leg, Antonio Pierce melted his hat while attempting to stay warm, and after all that, the Giants lost.
Hater’s choice: While it doesn’t seem like weather or wind will be much of a factor this weekend, I’ll give the nod to Washington here on the condition that Kingsbury gives the Eagles a taste of their own medicine and draws up a quarterback punt.
The Future
Guy I’ll See in Hell!!!
Eagles defensive back CJ Gardner-Johnson, who is back in Philly after a stint with the Lions last year, has a special gift. He’s the most annoying player in the NFL, at least according to an Athletic poll of 110 pro players. During an Eagles-Commanders game on December 22, Gardner-Johnson was ejected after he picked up a second unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, and on his way out of the stadium, the Birds player treated the D.C. crowd to two birds of his own.
Eagles QB Jalen Hurts left that game early, too—in his case, because he got pancaked by Washington’s Bobby Wagner and Frankie Luvu. Luvu, who came to the Commanders last offseason, plays with a hate-him-unless-he’s-on-your-team ferocity that has left quite a mark on quarterbacks around the league this year. He recorded a career-high eight sacks, recovered two fumbles, snagged an interception, earned second-team All-Pro honors, and planted himself firmly in the minds (and Reddit threads) of his opponents. On Thursday, Commanders defensive coordinator Joe Whitt Jr. made no apologies for his team’s physical approach, saying that if Hurts moves like a running back, he can expect to get tackled like one, too.
Hater’s choice: I’d be very curious to see just how fast the officials would blow their whistles if the Commanders advanced to the Super Bowl and Luvu tried a hit like this on, say, Patrick Mahomes!
Biggest Source of Front Office Envy
The Giants have struggled mightily to retool and reposition the franchise in the post–Eli Manning era. Which is why I feel so envious of the Eagles’ ongoing, iterative success under executive Howie Roseman. Only the Chiefs have won more playoff games than the Eagles since 2017—even though Philadelphia has repeatedly switched up key personnel both on the coaching staff and on the roster during that stretch.
In Washington, GM Adam Peters is now a game away from the Super Bowl in his first season on the job, having dialed in not only the team’s on-field lineup but also the franchise’s whole culture. Peters, whose previous role was assistant GM with the Niners, was hired just over a year ago by the Commanders’ new ownership team, led by financier Josh Harris (who also owns the Sixers and the Devils) and Magic Johnson. And as it turns out, there’s a regretful Giants angle here, too: “The Giants loved Adam Peters as a GM candidate,” reported Ian O’Connor in December, “but loved Joe Schoen just a bit more.”
Hater’s choice: I doubt Roseman is going anywhere. And the Peters ship has sailed. But … at least the Giants were in that conversation? OK, now I’m clearly getting desperate. Washington it is.
The Past, the Present, and the Future
Team Best Positioned to Needle the Bejesus out of Jerry Jones
For Giants fans who are only more down in the dumps after reading all of this, maybe this reframing will help: This NFC championship matchup sucks for Cowboys fans, too! And one of them in particular. Jerry Jones may be a gazillionaire, but even he can’t buy his way out of pretty much the same predicament that I find myself in.
In 2014, Jones was asked what loss stuck in his craw the worst. “I resent, to this day, the Giants coming in here a few years back and beating us with home field advantage and then winning the Super Bowl,” he said then of the divisional-round playoff game in January 2008—one of three losses that have made the man cry. “I admire it, but I resent it. I will always remember it. So it doesn’t take me much to get riled up over going to New York.”
Wow, didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that! It’s been awhile since the Giants posed much of a threat to the Dallas Cowboys. But both the Eagles—who have been tormenting Dallas since the days of Buddy Ryan, and who defeated the Cowboys twice this year by a combined score of 75-13—and the Commanders have stepped up in their stead. In the last game of the regular season, Washington came from behind in the fourth quarter with “a flair for the dramatics,” per McLaurin, to drop Dallas’s home record to 2-7. It was a fitting ending to another dismal campaign.
Hater’s choice: For decades, Philadelphia has been the team that drives the Cowboys the craziest. (I salute the Eagles fan that went up to Jones a few weeks back and told him: “Keep doing the job you’re doing this year.”) But I think a Commanders win this time around might be worse for ol’ Jer’s spirit. All those years futzing around with Tony Romo and Dak Prescott, only for this Daniels kid to possibly waltz right into the NFL history books? Tangible proof that a wholesale shake-up at the top of the team’s org chart can actually foment positive change and yield results? It’s not what you want, even when you’re a man who has everything.
The Final Countdown
So, in summary, which NFC East team’s success this weekend might feel slightly less miserable for a Giants fan like me? Tabulating the results above points toward the Commanders, which makes sense.
New York’s semi-recent history against Washington is remarkably free of the type of painful, high-stakes memories that have defined the franchise’s 21st-century rivalry with Philly. (The Giants and Commanders have somehow only ever met twice in the playoffs—once in December 1943 and once in January 1987.) It’s been, like, forever since D.C.’s football team has been this lucky and good. And their run is almost reminiscent of the Giants’ back in early 2008. Even if New York is about to spend its next decade getting sliced and diced by Daniels twice a season, that damage hasn’t been inflicted just yet. So it still feels objectively rad that this youngster has a chance to accomplish something no one else in pro football ever has—reaching the Super Bowl his rookie season—even if he is a dreaded divisional rival.
There’s no question in my mind that an Eagles victory would be the far more irritating outcome on the whole—and the truth is, I like it that way. The heart hates what the heart hates, and it’s comforting to know that even when the Giants are at their weakest, my revulsion toward Philly sports remains strong. Still, by my count there would be two and maybe even three silver linings if the Birds made the Super Bowl: (1) a little bit of vicarious happiness for Barkley, (2) a lot of Philly media let loose, and (3) the ongoing potential that Sirianni will get into a full-on fistfight with a fan, player, or random bystander at any point between now and February 9.
May the lesser of two evils win this weekend! And while I’m here making wishes: Somehow, someday, may the New York Giants please find their way back to Playing Good Football again? There’s nothing better than flopping down on the couch, flipping on the NFL playoffs, and not having to wonder for even a second about whom to cheer for.
