The White Lotus is the most stressful good time you can have this side of bungee jumping—and you don’t even have to risk the integrity of your spinal cord. This sulky, sexy turn for Walton Goggins? Perfect. Aimee Lou Wood? An absolute star, single handedly bringing down the once burgeoning veneers industry. Delicious interpersonal dynamics for Michelle Monaghan, Carrie Coon, and Leslie Bibb? Yes, please. And I will say this once and for all as a North Carolina resident: Parker Posey’s character work is so perfect that I know that this woman is no longer allowed to handle a golf cart inside DeBordieu Colony limits, and she holds a staunch opinion on Justin Bieber’s wedding in Palmetto Bluff—so let’s just check those southern accent nitpicks at the beach house door, OK?
However, there’s been one nagging question throughout Season 3 that’s felt a little too anxiety-inducing to get onboard with. One piece of looming plot that won’t quite let me settle into my stressful comedy of errors and egos each week without first worrying: What in the Targaryen twincest, Ryan-Murphy-miniseries, Flowers in the Attic FUCK is going on with the Ratliff kids?
And now, following Episode 5, I guess we finally have our answer: It’s incest. I mean, sort of. The White Lotus isn’t exactly a mystery box show in the style of Severance or Lost, but with its tradition of opening each season with a foretold dead body, it sort of mimics the experience of unraveling a mystery—and as Mike White tells it, each missing gun, each poisonous pong pong tree fruit, constantly whirring blender, or dream of a tsunami is just as likely to be a (sometimes literal) Chekov’s gun as it is to be a red herring. So, you can call me old fashioned, you can call me gullible, you can call me Kate at the late night pool party in her pajamas, but I really didn’t think the incest thread was going to get pulled! When I saw an older brother ask his younger brother what kind of porn he likes in Episode 1… and that younger brother check out his older brother’s bare ass in Episode 2… and then most suggestions of inappropriate family dynamics fade away behind a haze of lorazepam (save an accidental fatherly dick flash or two), I just assumed that Chekov’s Incest was, in fact, a red herring. For my own sanity, I assumed the incest was a red herring. Even though it’s been suggested all season long that everyone in this family is about one illicit drug or high end escort away from making out with each other, I let myself be lured into a false sense of security—as if I’d never stumbled upon Armond tossing the entire salad of a pool boy. I forgot what it was like to watch The White Lotus. But finally, in Episode 5, on the night of the much discussed full moon, BOOM—the other incest shoe dropped right onto Gary/Greg’s illgotten yacht.
And, boy did I feel dumb as I watched on in horror when, at the suggestion of Chloe and a whole lot of substances, Saxon and Lochlan Ratliff (that’s right, same last name, on account of BEING BROTHERS) went ahead and rounded first without any real indication that it would be the last stolen base of this taboo underaction. And while the totality of my reaction to this consummation (sorry) could be described simply as: “Why? Why! Why. WHY? Whyyy?!” the more comprehensive version consists of 15 questions about how this happened to us in the first place, how it will affect the rest of our time at the White Lotus Thailand, and if its arrival gives us any clues about how this is all going to end…
First of all, how dare you?
Listen, it is nuts that we have brothers making out on prestige TV, and there aren’t even two-million-plus words of world building to back up why it’s actually totally fine that they’re doing that. But my best guess as to why we’re now enduring incest on HBO in the year 2025 is that Mike White took it as a personal affront when, in Season 2, even though Portia was fooled into believing that Jack was Quentin’s “nephew,” and therefore horrified to eventually find out they were fucking—we, the audience, were always pretty clear on what was happening there. But the thing is—we liked that! Not only did we like being in the know, but we also liked how no uncles and nephews ever actually railed each other.
But now we find ourselves in Portia’s position: willing this clearly foreshadowed incest not to happen because of the comfort that comes with understanding some things are surely off limits…
But Mike White doesn’t care about comfort! This is a man who got drunk on Survivor, an environment with no showers, tooth brushes, or access to Liquid I.V. He’s a complete wild card, and he’s been trying to tell us that for years. Ahead of Season 3, White promised The New Yorker that there would be a “truly Satanic” plot line ahead, and added that he wanted to depict gay life as transgressive in order to make a clear connection to the rest of human sexuality. “It’s not all harmless,” he said. “But it’s not inherently harmful. It’s inherently very natural. We’re animals.” And I hear that – but I also liked when my wildest White Lotus animal theory was that the monkeys were going to somehow get a hold of guns by the season finale. Speaking of…
Can we somehow blame the monkeys for this?
In the cast commentary following Episode 1 (as a reminder, that’s the episode that ended with Saxon asking Lochlan if he likes “hot teacher or bukkake” porn), Posey talks about how the Ratliffs are particularly out of their element at The White Lotus because they’ve never “gone outside of their bubble in North Carolina, and the rules of their social class.” Which, yes, that does sound particularly incestuous. But she also says that the Ratliffs represent “a family of monkeys—very playful, very reactive, very territorial.” Which made me wonder: do monkeys do incest?
And apparently, while monkeys avoid inbreeding for survival like most animals, immature or adolescent monkeys do sometimes engage in sexual activity with close relatives. That tapers off as primates—particularly the males—mature and leave their original natal troops, ensuring that sibling monkeys won’t breed with one another…
So I guess Saxon was kind of right when he said that Lochy should sleep in the same room as him instead of Piper because “brother and sister don’t sleep together after they have full-grown, y’know…genitals.” Less likelihood for genealogy issues to arise; but a lot more likelihood for immaturity. Victoria’s response to Saxon’s assessment to Pam? “We're a very normal family, you’ll see!”
What about the Ratliff monkey imagery from the premiere—was that an incest clue?
One of the most fun Easter eggs this season—that at the time seemed cute—was the shot of the Ratliff children sitting side by side on the arrival boat, representing the see no evil (Saxon in sunglasses), hear no evil (Piper in headphones), speak no evil (Lochlan with a bottle in front of his mouth) monkeys. I still can’t exactly crack what this foreshadows—because Lochlan seems plenty happy to use his mouth for a little evil—but in that same episode’s commentary, Posey says that because the Ratliff parents are so in their own world, their kids are now “set free in a new landscape, to really follow their instincts and where they want to go.” So, in that case, maybe this crew should have stayed at the country club. Because their instincts are busted.
OK, but were there any non-monkey related clues that these two were gonna French?
Well, sure, there were suggestions. There was that thing where Saxon had to physically shut the bathroom door to get Lochlan to stop staring at him after he announced that he would be jerking off in the bathroom. There was Lochlan’s extended ruminations on Saxon’s bare ass—complete with lip bite—the next morning. And there’s Saxon’s near constant push to shape Lochy in his own image, which mostly consists of red-pilling him into an alpha male whose only goals are “pussy, money, freedom, respect.” And also chugging protein shakes as a direct means of getting laid because, as he tells his little brother, “We don't do it for the taste, we do it for the high T and BDE.” That’s right—the big dick energy required to make out with your brother! “Don’t you want the big dogs to respect you?” Saxon asks Lochy, convincing him to drink another shake, and telling him for the second time in as many episodes, “Let’s get you laid this week—I’ll help.” After which, Saxon honest to God, says: “All hands on deck.”
Damn you, Mike White, you sick genius.
Which kind of makes you think… Should this incest have actually been… a little more incest-y?
I’m not a fan of incest—write that down, because I want it on the record.
But even though I was naive enough to think that the incest hints might not ever materialize into plot, I’m not so naive as to think there weren’t other people rooting for this illicit affair. In this kind of scenario, you’ve got your Chelseas—actively trying to erase the reality of this brotherly kiss in real time—and then you’ve got your Chloes: not just rooting for it, but willing it into existence. The Tashi Duncans of the world. And for those people, this was probably a pretty PG-rated bit of incest. I was full-Gogginsing, but I can still recognize that we didn’t even technically confirm any tongue. For all we know, drunk and high Saxton thought Lochlan was just a younger version of himself at this point, and you know this man has put on some Carmex and passionately kissed a mirror before. And that does make Sam Rockwell’s monologue—about, how do I say this concisely—wanting to be the person railing the shit out of yourself, and also the person watching yourself get railed—seem pretty intentionally placed within this episode. And speaking of intentional…
The shirt Lochlan wears to the Full-Moon Party is called “Reptile Dysfunction”—is this anything?
Probably. When is something nothing on The White Lotus? In Season 3, costume designer Alex Bovaird has worked closely with resort brand Tombolo to create custom looks for the White Lotus resort staff, but the Tombolo shirt Lochy wears to the Full-Moon Party was made available for pre-order by the time Episode 5 dropped, suggesting that someone knew it would make a big splash, and that its name may be noted. An even more niche fashion Easter egg pointing to the inevitability of this moment, is that while the rest of his family wears Rolex wristwatches, Lochlan wears a more age-appropriate Omega/Swatch collaboration called… the MoonSwatch. Perhaps Lochlan’s storyline, most of all, has been ticking toward the full moon and its shenanigans.
How much plausible deniability can we put on Lochlan and Saxon’s intoxication level at the Full-Moon Party?
I’m sure Victoria Ratliff would tell you that nothing good happens after midnight, and I will tell you that nothing good ever comes from drinks served in a bucket—specifically, the buckets at the Koh Phangan Full-Moon Party that are served with liquor and a supercharged Thai energy drink that’s heavy on the ephedrine. And that’s not mentioning the “mushroom shakes” this party is also known for. And then there’s the mystery pills we know Chloe was passing out, which we’ll assume were molly, given the look of ecstatic existential crisis on Saxton’s face shortly after he partook…
So, yeah, these two dumb-dumbs were pretty loaded by the time they made it back onto the boat, but I ask you this: What’s the drunkest you’ve ever been? Did you kiss your brother? Did you kiss him a second time?
Can being drunk alone account for Lochlan suddenly…having game?
And I don’t mean with his brother! (Yet.) The impetus for Lochlan and Saxon’s kiss, at least logistically, is Saxon daring Chloe and Chelsea to kiss, and then Chloe daring him and Lochlan back. Because like Saxon, Chloe is determined to make something sexual come out of this evening… with Lochlan.
Somehow, with a few stolen beers in his system, this kid actually has some rizz. It’s mostly rizz of the “close up magic” variety, but the women aboard the boat seem to find him adorable. Of course, this is after Saxon has given Lochlan his final lesson on confidence: “Most people don’t know what they want, and a lot of them … they just want to be used. They don’t have the vision. They’re just sitting there waiting for someone to come along and tell them what to do.” Unfortunately, Saxon is the only person who doesn’t know that he is “most people.” And now the people in front of him seem to want something quite unexpected. Because let’s be very clear: When push comes to tongue, it’s Lochlan that goes in for the second, longer kiss, while Saxon just keeps whispering “What the fuck?”
Are there any bizarre theories that might make any of this a little more OK? Something? Anything?
It won’t be much comfort to Chloe or Chelsea, but here in our world, the Ratliff’s bear a particularly fascinating resemblance to another infamous North Carolina family: Michael Peterson and his modern brood, the subject of the early aughts docuseries, The Staircase, which has received several updates over the last two decades and a scripted adaptation on HBO starring…Patrick Schwarzenegger and Parker Posey. Following the death of Peterson’s wife at the bottom of a staircase, it was revealed that Peterson adopted the two daughters of a family friend who had also mysteriously died at the bottom of a staircase 17 years earlier. Her name? Elizabeth Ratliff.
Between the Ratliff name, both families being from Durham, the generally strange vibes of this family, and Patrick Schwarzenegger playing Michael Peterson’s son on HBO less that three years ago (plus an owl theory I can’t get into right now, but I haven’t taken my eyes of the monkeys yet, I’ll just say that), it feels safe to say that Mike White clearly found some inspiration for the Ratliff’s from The Staircase. If we can count on that, we can also count on the very wishful thinking that maybe these brothers aren’t blood related. Let’s just keep telling ourselves that it’s not outside the realm of possibility. Also not outside the realm of possibility? One of these people turning up at the bottom of a metaphorical staircase by season’s end.
What will Victoria think about all of this?
Given her sudden lorazepam shortage, let’s hope she never finds out, because I don’t think sauvignon blanc is strong enough to black out your kids doing incest.
And what about Timothy Ratliff? Has he maintained enough consciousness to observe a difference in his sons’ behavior when they return to land?
The cut from casual incest to Timothy holding a gun to his head was a classic bit of White Lotus emotional whiplash. But for several reasons, it is a very good thing that Tim didn’t go through with killing himself on the night of the full moon. Because can you imagine the additional trauma of knowing that when your dad killed himself… you were actively Frenching your brother? These people actually have to start talking to each other, or at least meditating, because no amount of lorazepam or outdoor showers is going to quick-fix these issues.
On that note, has Piper finally been marked safe from incest vibes?
While there was some suggestion in the early episodes that the battle for Lochlan’s allegiance might be weird from both of his older siblings—no, it’s just Saxon. And let’s be clear: he’s weird about Lochlan and Piper. Don’t call your sister too hot to be a virgin! Definitely don’t say it to your little brother, who is also her brother! With such normalcy that he then thinks it's a compliment to go repeat it to her while she’s attempting to enjoy a nice nautical hammock nap!
Could Chekov’s incest have a domino effect on any other (figurative) guns? Will anyone try to off themselves with a jazzed up protein shake?
The most notable other potential macguffins orbiting those mouthy Ratliff boys are, of course, Saxon’s protein shakes that he keeps pushing on his younger brother, and the pong pong tree fruit that Pam told the Ratliff family was poisonous while Lochy was conveniently out of earshot in Episode 1. (“You’re killin’ it, Pam!”) Saxon could try to off himself with a protein shake (a noble death) in the sober, incestuous light of day, or maybe Lochy accidentally poisons Saxon with a pong pong smoothie peace offering (don’t look that up on Urban Dictionary). And somehow…this leads…to gunfire? Or maybe that’s completely unrelated. (Or maybe it’s monkeys.) But it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing in the world for the next stop after Game of Thrones-y kissin’ brothers to be Biblical killin’ brothers.
What will Chloe and Chelsea think about what they hath wrought?
All I can assume is just:
Most importantly, (if he lives), will this play into Lochy’s decision to go to Duke or UNC?
As the old saying goes: Never go to college with a boyfriend—especially if that boyfriend is your brother.
Go Heels.
