For a long time, Dwayne Johnson wasn’t just one of the highest-paid stars in Hollywood: The action movies of his particular brand were so formulaic that you could create a template from them. Nowadays, audiences no longer smell what the Rock is cooking. Since the high-profile failure of Black Adam, Johnson’s star power has dimmed, and as a result, he’s finally pursuing roles outside of the norm. Other actors, however, can thrive for decades in their comfort zone without any hiccups—especially one of Johnson’s Fast & Furious costars.
If you’ve seen one Jason Statham movie, you’ve seen ’em all—and I mean that as a compliment of the highest order. There are certain tropes you’ll find in a Statham-led vehicle: More often than not, he’s a tough, uncompromising badass with a mysterious past who hides in plain sight before sinister forces require him to become a one-man army. He has fought mercenaries, drug dealers, and prehistoric sharks. He will always defeat them, and because he’s Jason Statham, you never bat an eye. So when the trailer came out for A Working Man, a new action flick cowritten by Sylvester Stallone(!) in which Statham plays a blue-collar construction worker(!!) who must rescue his boss’s daughter from a human trafficking ring(!!!), I simply nodded along and thought, Sounds like your average Tuesday for the Stath.
My beard grew a couple of inches from watching this trailer. I’m so locked in. A Working Man also reunites Statham with The Beekeeper director David Ayer—in a just universe, they’d become the Scorsese–De Niro of trashy mid-budget action movies for years (decades? CENTURIES?) to come. In the meantime, A Working Man left me thinking: Where would Statham single-handedly taking down a human trafficking operation fall on the list of his greatest accomplishments? Obviously, the only way to get to the bottom of this mystery is to blog through it. Join me for a thought exercise that has plagued scientists since the aughts: What is the most impressive thing Jason Statham has ever done?
Before introducing the nominees, we’ve laid down some ground rules. We are limiting each franchise Statham has starred in to one moment so that there’s plenty of badassery to go around. Each entry will be judged by a highly scientific Stathometer on a scale of one (low) to 10 (high)—and, in special circumstances, 20 (Crank: High Voltage). Lastly, while taste is subjective, I hope readers are receptive to the choices we’ve made and the Stathometer score for each of them—wherever these moments land, remember that this is a celebration of an action movie god. Besides, do you really want to be a negative Nancy around this guy?
Without further ado, let’s enter the Stathamverse.
Destroying an Overhanging Pool in Mechanic: Resurrection
In the Mechanic franchise, professional hit man Arthur Bishop’s calling card is making assassinations look like tragic accidents, which is a valuable skill in his line of work. But of all the stealth assassinations Bishop has pulled off, none are as unique—or as nightmare-inducing—as the One With the Overhanging Pool. In Mechanic: Resurrection, an arms dealer forces Bishop to kill three targets by holding the woman he loves hostage. One of these targets lives in a swanky Sydney penthouse guarded at all times—Bishop’s best plan of attack is to scale the side of the building, go under the penthouse’s overhanging pool, drill a hole in it, and inject the water with a chemical that will cause the glass to rapidly shatter. The result is a dude getting swirled around like a rubber ducky when you drain a bathtub before he splatters onto the pavement. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water:
The Stathometer: 7.5/10. It’s not quite Tom Cruise scaling the Burj Khalifa, but no good can come from Statham hanging off the side of a building.
Breaking out of a Maximum-Security Prison in The Fate of the Furious
Yes, I know it’s sacrilegious to pull a scene from the Fast franchise that doesn’t feature cars. But unlike basically every other character, Deckard Shaw isn’t at his best behind the wheel: Just put this man in a confined space and let his fists do all the talking. While it was adorable when Shaw rescued Dominic Toretto’s baby from Evil Cyberterrorist Charlize Theron at the end of The Fate of the Furious, there’s nothing in the film that kicks as much ass as the prison escape. Alongside eternal frenemy Luke Hobbs, Shaw manages to evade an ungodly number of guards while heading toward the exit. What I particularly love is the contrast between how the two characters go about it: Hobbs is all brute force; Shaw is out here auditioning for Michael Bay’s parkour documentary.
If you ask me, this was the moment Hobbs & Shaw was born.
The Stathometer: 6.5/10. I have to ding the prison escape a tiny bit because it was orchestrated by Kurt Russell’s mysterious government operative, Mr. Nobody, who needed Hobbs and Shaw for a mission to save the world. Like everyone reading that sentence, I also can’t believe this franchise used to be about street racers swiping VHS players from a truck.
Breaking out of a Maximum-Security Prison in Death Race
It should come as little surprise that several Statham characters have broken out of jail (see also: Mechanic: Resurrection), but I’d argue his gnarliest escape comes in Death Race. Directed by schlock god Paul W. S. Anderson, Death Race is set in a dystopian near future where the American economy has cratered, crime rates have risen, and one private prison makes money by streaming races in which inmates kill each other in cars stolen from the set of Mad Max: Fury Road. In an intriguing Fast crossover, Statham’s Jensen Ames teams up with Tyrese Gibson’s Machine Gun Joe, who pretends he’s shooting a missile at Ames but is really creating an opening for them to drive off the island. The police are in hot pursuit, which is their first mistake; they’re chasing cars loaded with weapons. Would it look sick to blow up a squad car by ejecting an oil barrel from your trunk? Well, spoiler alert:
If this was an audition for the Fast franchise, Statham passed with flying colors.
The Stathometer: 6/10. Using a positively steroidal muscle car is an unfair advantage we can’t dismiss, especially when Statham relied on agility for his prison escape in The Fate of the Furious. Don’t hate the player, hate the race.
Exchanging Briefcases With Tom Cruise in Collateral
Regardless of whether you buy into the theory that Statham’s cameo in Michael Mann’s Collateral—he’s credited as “Airport Man”—means that the film takes place in the same universe as The Transporter, the opening scene rules. With just two words and a knowing glance, Statham conveys admiration for Cruise’s hit man, Vincent, which can also be viewed as one action star tipping his cap to the action movie GOAT. Breaking down the tape further, the briefcase swap is flawlessly executed; clearly, these fellas know what they’re doing:
Sometimes, it’s not about getting a ton of screen time in a film: It’s about setting a tone. On that front, Statham nailed the assignment.
The Stathometer: 7/10. A fun trip down memory lane where Statham still had some hair, plus the fact that he worked with Michael Mann—a filmmaker whose movies are synonymous with cool—means this couldn’t go any lower than a seven. Put our guy in Heat 2.
Subduing a Bully’s Dad in Homefront
A Working Man won’t be the first time Statham’s starred in a film penned by Stallone. Back in 2013, Stallone wrote Homefront, which sees Statham play former undercover DEA agent Phil Broker, who moves to small-town Louisiana with his young daughter. Unfortunately, trouble keeps finding Broker, who crosses paths with a local meth dealer (a convincingly sleazy James Franco; go figure), as well as enemies from his past. Before all that happens, though, Broker finds himself in a much more relatable predicament: a bullying incident at school. A boy picks on Broker’s daughter, who knocks the kid on his ass. (Broker taught her self-defense, because of course he did.) Naturally, the bully’s parents aren’t the nicest folks—the wife (Kate Bosworth) goads her husband (Marcus Hester) into taking a swing at Broker while his back is turned. It goes about as well as you’d expect:
A word to the wise: Don’t antagonize a Girl Dad whose last name is one letter off from broke, or your arm will end up in a cast.
The Stathometer: 6.5/10. They should show this sequence at schools as part of an anti-bullying PSA.
Going Toe-to-Toe With Melissa McCarthy in Spy
Since Statham has starred in countless action movies that feel like carbon copies of each other, it’s only fitting that he’s also parodied his own image. In Paul Feig’s 2015 action-comedy Spy, Rick Ford is an amalgamation of basically every Jason Statham lead performance from the previous decade and a half. Ford is an agent with zero chill—the kind of dude who earnestly believes the CIA has a “Face/Off machine” for situations where everyone’s identities are leaked. The best part is that Statham plays it completely straight. He’s behaving like he’s in every other Jason Statham movie, even though his character is saying stuff like this to Melissa McCarthy:
If there was ever a time Statham deserved an Oscar nomination, this was it.
The Stathometer: 9/10. Do you know how hard it is to costar in a Melissa McCarthy comedy and steal every scene from her?
Getting Revenge on a Phishing Scammer in The Beekeeper
On any given day, I would say The Beekeeper is the greatest film ever made. It’s got Statham as a literal beekeeper who also used to work as a “Beekeeper” for a clandestine organization without government oversight that protects the United States. It’s got a South African henchman who looks like a human yellowjacket. As much as David Ayer denies it, it’s got a villain who’s essentially a stand-in for Hunter Biden. Best of all, there’s a bit of John Wick at play in The Beekeeper. You see, Statham’s Adam Clay is just minding his own business as a beekeeper—to clarify: the kind that looks after beehives—when his kindly landlady and employer falls victim to a phishing scam and, after being bankrupted, dies by suicide. You’re devastated; Clay’s devastated. Don’t worry. It doesn’t take long for Clay to enact his revenge. Clay tracks down the call center manager who scammed his boss, cuts off his fingers, and straps him to a truck for a sadistically satisfying punishment. Inject this straight into my veins:
I’m pleased to report that The Beekeeper 2 is happening. The Statham Hive has never been stronger.
The Stathometer: 9/10. I trust the Beekeeper to deal with scammers more effectively than LifeLock.
Waging a Water War With Jimmy Fallon on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Of all the Statham performances, none might be as impressive as pretending to be amused by Jimmy Fallon. Late night’s reigning king of performative laughter, Fallon had Statham on his show for a game of “Water War,” in which they both draw from a deck, and whoever gets the lowest card is doused with water. As a former professional diver, Statham is used to getting wet—but being an athlete also means he’s a hypercompetitive dude. Amid all the fun and games, Statham appears a little agitated that he keeps drawing a bad hand. When Statham picks up an ace, he practically threatens Fallon to remember that “ACE IS HIGH!” This is the face of a man who takes the war part of Water War very seriously:
The Stathometer: 7/10. Not many people can repeatedly throw water in Jason Statham’s face and live to tell the tale. Honestly, Fallon wouldn’t be alive today if he disagreed that ace is high.
Punching a Guy’s Head Through a Helicopter Tail Rotor in The Expendables 2
The Expendables franchise oughta be much better than it actually is (was?). You’ve got virtually every notable action star across multiple generations—Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, and, yes, Statham—under one roof. But whenever a new Expendables rolls out, I have the same reaction as Andy Dwyer: No matter how many times you watch them, these movies just … aren’t that good. Maybe it’s because watching all these actors together makes you think of the better movies they’ve made. Maybe a bunch of geriatrics aren’t capable of executing a kick-ass fight scene. Maybe Stallone can’t write a good screenplay that isn’t about Rocky Balboa. But even when he’s surrounded by mediocrity, Statham can deliver the goods. In The Expendables 2, Statham’s Lee Christmas (perfect name) faces off against a henchman played by direct-to-video action god Scott Adkins, and he does this:
We’re watching an artist at work.
The Stathometer: 6/10. It’s The Expendables; I couldn’t go any higher. These movies make Hobbs & Shaw look like The French Connection.
Using a Body to Cushion His Fall in Safe
Take a shot for every Jason Statham action movie trope in Safe. His character, Luke Wright, is a former black ops soldier (drink). He suffers an unspeakable tragedy when his pregnant wife is murdered (drink). He protects a little girl (drink). He delivers some incredible one-liners (drink). He exposes corruption between the police and crime syndicates operating in New York City (drink). He single-handedly takes everyone down (drink). I’ll see you in the hospital, and while you’re there, please check on the status of this henchman that Luke used as a human airbag when jumping out of a window:
On second thought, check the morgue.
The Stathometer: 6.5/10. To be fair, Austin Powers did it first.
Dancing in a Leopard Print Speedo in the Shamen’s “Comin’ On”
Some aspiring actors had humble beginnings before breaking out. Harrison Ford, famously, was once a carpenter; Chris Hemsworth used to clean and repair breast pumps. As for Jason Statham? In between professional diving and his on-screen debut in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Statham starred in a few ’90s music videos. In Erasure’s “Run to the Sun,” Statham looks like a 99-cent-store Silver Surfer, which is pretty iconic, but it’s his appearance in the Shamen’s “Comin’ On” that has haunted every waking moment of my life since I discovered it. Witness the acid trip from hell:
What is going on here? Why are there two Stathams out of sync? Why is he covered in more baby oil than the Rock? Why is he wearing something a porn star would take off in a George of the Jungle parody? Most of all, WHY DID JASON STATHAM AGREE TO THIS?
The Stathometer: 10/10. I’m giving this full marks in the hope that the nightmares will stop.
Killing a Prehistoric Shark in The Meg
Megalodons were the largest fish that ever lived. They weighed as much as 30 great white sharks and were bigger and heavier than a T. rex. Scientists estimate that they had to eat 2,500 pounds of food per day. The biggest fossilized megalodon tooth is over 7 inches long. Their jaws were so big that they could swallow two adults side by side. In their time, megalodons were the undisputed apex predators of the ocean. Jason Statham, meanwhile, has a spear:
The Meg never stood a chance.
The Stathometer: 10/10. The Stath versus the Meg isn’t a fight … it’s a slaughter.
Donning a Wig in Revolver
Statham has been Guy Ritchie’s rugged muse going back to Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but while the duo blessed us with several bangers over the decades, they aren’t immune to making a dud. One of Ritchie’s most curious misfires is Revolver, an action-thriller that Roger Ebert found so infuriating that he “wanted to signal the projectionist to put a gun to it.” The movie is, nominally, about an expert gambler who’s released from a seven-year prison sentence and seeks revenge on a mob boss (the late Ray Liotta). But as characters engage in rambling discussions about ego and self-worth, Revolver can also be read as an exploration of the themes of Kabbalah, a form of Jewish mysticism. Clearly, lots of people went into Revolver expecting another high-octane Ritchie joint, not a macho parable about redemption, and that was disappointing. But on a subconscious level, perhaps nobody was prepared to see Statham with a full head of hair:
If I saw this in a theater, I, too, would ask the projectionist to start shooting at the screen.
The Stathometer: 8/10. The sight of Statham in a wig is so jarring that it makes me question life itself, but I have to respect the fact that he not only went there but also wore an even more deranged wig in the opening of Homefront. That’s committing to the bit.
The Bus Depot Fight in The Transporter
Guy Ritchie might’ve put Statham on the map, but The Transporter took him to the stratosphere. Statham’s Frank Martin is a driver for hire who follows three rules: Never change the deal, never use names, and never open the package. Martin violates one of his rules after discovering that one of the “packages” he’s meant to deliver happens to be a captive woman—one thing leads to another, and Martin finds himself in the crosshairs of a human trafficker. Fights with various henchmen ensue, but nothing in the Transporter franchise goes as hard as Martin squaring off against a legion of goons in a bus depot. He’s knocking down dudes left and right. He covers himself and the floor in oil before attaching bike pedals to his feet. He roundhouse-kicks dudes with said bike pedals for a full 360 degrees:
We are approaching maximum levels of Statham.
The Stathometer: 10/10. Frank Martin walked so John Wick could run.
Literally Everything That Happens in the Crank Franchise
I may as well just list some of the things that happen in Crank and Crank: High Voltage, movies that hinge on Statham’s Chev Chelios having to keep his adrenaline pumping after being poisoned (otherwise, his heart will stop). Chev cuts a guy’s hand off and uses the gun still clenched in it to shoot him in the head. Chev has public sex with his girlfriend, Eve (Amy Smart), as a bunch of onlookers cheer them on. Chev puts a gun to the head of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s Glenn Howerton, playing a nurse, and forces Howerton to shock him with a defibrillator. Chev crushes a man’s testicles with his bare hands before jamming a needle into the dude’s neck. Chev falls out of a helicopter with the mobster who poisoned him and snaps his neck midair. Chev discovers that said mobster’s head is being artificially kept alive, so he spits in its face and kicks the head into a pool. So much electricity courses through Chev’s body that he imagines fighting someone in the style of an old-school kaiju film.
My adrenaline will not wear off until we get Crank 3.
The Stathometer: 20/10. Crank isn’t just Peak Statham: It’s the pinnacle of cinema as we know it. But Statham isn’t the kind of star to rest on his laurels, either. He’s about to become A Working Man, and I expect to see all my brothers-in-Statham seated for opening weekend.
